Hope and Faith

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Here’s a story called “Hope and Faith” ~

Hope can be a dangerous thing. It speaks to our discontent and where we wish we had “more” in our Lives. BUT, it also speaks to waiting for a “white knight rescue” which rarely ever happens.

Faith and Hope are foes because Faith speaks to ACTION! Even if that ACTION is quiet contemplation. What more do you need to contemplate right now?

Yes, it ALL depends on YOU only.

You do not want to meet Hope, you want to meet Faith. Hope is just out of reach. Faith is Always with you. Hope likes to keep you waiting. Faith is Infinite. Hope says you’re not worthy, or beautiful, or lovable. Faith says you’re worthy of all that and more. Hope convinces you to repeat your “mistakes”.  Faith Inspires you to Live it…ALL of it.  Hope lies.  Faith Trusts.  Hope asks you to be “of the world” and take it personally. Faith asks you to be “in the world but not of it”. Hope bargains and begs and borrows and steals. Faith Accepts. Hope is FULL of conditions. Faith is Unconditional other than “first do no harm”. Hope says maybe. Faith says YES! Hope says “trust me”. Faith says “Trust yourSELF”. Hope leads to despair. Faith leads to EnLightenment.

Music to drive it Home ~ Have a Little Faith in Me – John Hiatt

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

The Medicine Wheel of Time and Karma

The only reason for time is that everything doesn’t happen all at once ~ Albert Einstein

There’s a tool in our toolbox that we all came “here” with and we all have access to.  There’s a ladder lying around somewhere inside the labyrinth of boxes, squares, patterns, emotional addictions and the insanity of doing the same thing over and over even though it doesn’t work.  Once we find the ladder it’s a timely process of patience, persistence, and (most importantly) a Heartfelt Intention to make the climb.

There’s no such thing as zero other than in the binary code of the “matrix” or the universal law of duality.  Time in the spiritual world doesn’t exist as we perceive it on the earthly plane.  Spiritual “time” is  relative to our karmic experiences and whether or not we choose to transcend and learn the lessons the universe brings to our attention, the “karmic wheel” if you will.   There is no concept in the universe that includes a zero outcome yet we find ourselves, intentionally or otherwise, spending our time going round and round in the cause and effect of duality but the wheel of time never stops turning.  We perpetuate our patterns and run from the only person who can provide any kind of white knight rescue… Self.  Wherever we go, there we are.  In that, we can consider  a different perspective in regards to time and the shift in consciousness by saying that “time” is a form of karmic responsibility.  This karmic responsibility is there for all of us which is why it’s true that what comes round goes around or why it’s important to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  The karmic wheel is a gift for us to rise above energies and emotion that is hampering our spirit so that we may reach a higher state of grace and abundance withIN.  With a little currency, a dose of how the roles work in the human drama, a new perspective on time, and our ladder of transcendence we’re prepared to heal our “karma”.

The New Currency

live-with-intention-mary-anne-radmacher-quotes-sayings-picturesHeartfelt Intention is the “new black” and an important enough concept that it should be considered as spiritual “currency”.  As we climb our ladder we can overcome any obstacle with our Free Will and Heartfelt Intention keeping in mind that wishing harm on another is never coming from the Heart.  We can still become awake and aware without losing ourselves in negative emotion.  This is prayer, the law of attraction, and emotional imagination playing to positive change and the best possible outcome – the orgasm of Life at its most fulfilling, enlightening, and loving experiences.  We cannot climb our ladder of transcendence without it.  But, let’s face it, words are words but intention is ALL about emotion.  If everything is energy (and it is), we don’t have to spend lifetime upon lifetime playing out the human drama through an unaware individual and collective mind.  We are all participating in the dream and we all have a karmic responsibility to each other to begin to dream a new one.

There are common threads throughout time, religion, and culture that suggest there is a shift that must occur at some point in our human history.  It’s a state of reaching a point of no return and a realization that we are collectively pressed against a ceiling that must break until we realize that there is no ceiling.   When we find the ability to observe the similar experiences that the universe brings to us for Healing we understand that the wheel keeps on turning, regardless of whether or not we’re actively participating.  What we resist in terms of karma will ultimately persist in such a way that we can no longer deny what the universe is trying to bring to our attention.  The medicine can be a little bitter going down but if we turn our receiver on we find the medicine Heals, it’s up to us what kind of energy we use to confront it .  We can decide to see the medicine wheel as a negative experience or as a beautifully expressive renaissance of the heart and spirit.  When we have the proper mindset and courage in facing our individual and collective karmic responsibility, we can also begin to see the gift.

The Human Drama

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We come into this world with preassigned roles that we’re expected to adapt to and participate in, even if it feels unnatural to our BEing.  Our roles are based on gender, social status, race, financial wealth, and goes on and on and on.  This has led to a state in society that speaks of judgment, fear, and apathy leaving us missing the entire point of our existence.  We tend to judge or deny the issues that we’re fearful of, been taught to avoid, or find distasteful in some way.  From there, we create emotional roles for ourselves to feed our “ignorance” (ignoring our own nuances and/or truth) which is just another way of saying we haven’t chosen to learn something yet.  The emotional roles in the human drama typically take on the character of either the victim/martyr, the oppressor/antagonist, or the savior/messiah all depending on the relationship.  When we take the time to realize that we’ve played all of these roles we can begin to see them for what they are and why we continue to play out our drama on an individual and collective level.  It’s like a game of musical chairs in which we deflect or deny the role of “victim” because none of us wants to be the star and victim in our own life story and being a martyr takes a lot of unnecessary energy.  The first step in re-writing the play is identifying and nurturing the aspects of ourselves that are wounded in the first place.  The key is not creating new roles but looking toward our unity and divinity.  In unity, we resonate with the vastness of Love without the need to assign roles, labels, and words to something we have to be open to receive, feel, and experience.

We are all capable of horrific things just as much as we are capable of beauty and love.  When we look into the mirror of our relationships and find ourselves unsatisfied we have to take what we find and apply it to Self.  For example, if we’ve had a turbulent childhood relationship with a parent and then, for lack of a better blueprint, become the parent you loved to “hate” in the first place.  We are taught on a most basic level that it’s unhealthy to express emotion, especially if learned we this in childhood.  We’re told to sit still, be quiet, and don’t speak unless spoken to so it becomes a negative experience if we find ourselves longing to express emotion.  If we’re taught that emotion is something to be guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed about then we find ourselves resisting our own healthy emotional expression.  From there, we begin to feel guilty, ashamed, and embarrassed for feeling our very own emotions.  But, we can transcend these roles from a healing place and the vastness of love which doesn’t assign roles and labels of limitation.  If we choose to face the fall-out and consequences of the lives and relationships we’ve created we find that mistakes are only that, mis-takes and not failures. We can learn to forgive, let go, and create a brand new blueprint with a foundation of unconditional love as its anchor.

The Wheel of Fortune

Another way of looking at universal “time” would be the karmic wheel of fortune.  The medicine wheel, as it’s known in Native American Indian culture, represents a karmic, peaceful balance with the Earth and each other.  When we think of “zero point time” we can relate it to transcendence or a graduation of sorts because we’ve worked through a stale, energetic pattern and we have an unwritten, clean slate in which to Create.  This doesn’t mean we’re not going to have ups and downs in life rather it means that we can get the difficult times much easier knowing that we will get to the other side as a more complete and happy person.

We tend to look at time as linear with events happening one after the other and this is true.  But, time is also a wheel and a cycle.  We may not find the exact same events or opportunities because change is constant in the Universe.  But, we will find similar opportunities are presented to us so that we may release neuroplastistic forms of behavior which is our patterns and emotional triggers.  We tend to get lost thinking we missed this boat or that train leading to feeling like we missed a  plethora of other golden opportunities that most surely will never pass this way again.  It’s true that our thoughts create things, at first.  The very first step is changing the neuropathways in the brain from a negative to a more positive approach about life and all its infinite possibilities.  But, the true key to creating and manifesting is through our spiritual and emotional “body”, our energy signature.  If we perceive our karmic lessons as punishment we’re completely missing the gift of transcendence.

Jacob’s Ladder

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 We can use our ladder to climb our way out of the underworld.  The karmic wheel takes us down into the deep so that we can shed our skin and begin to let the light of love shine through our BEing.  When we use the wheel to create rather than destroy we find our greater purpose for being here.  We can’t be or do great things if we’re still dancing around in the “underworld” expecting our lives to get better with negative emotion which leads to negative experiences.  The truth is, the more we have a problem with something or someone, the more we have an opportunity to heal and reach a state of grace.

Letting go of negative emotion is the gift of enlightenment.  It doesn’t mean that we won’t have down times or feel negativity.  It doesn’t mean we get to escape the pain or the grieving process either, but it does mean that we get through it.  We have to understand that when times get tough it’s against universal law for them to stay tough.  It’s in the raw, honest emotional truth that we get to the root cause of our pain and trauma.  Letting go is hard to describe in words as it’s an emotional unpacking of energy that isn’t in alignment with our higher self and purpose.  But, we can decide to release it through a new focus, forgiveness, or (my personal favorite) the healing technique of ho’oponopono.  We can make a conscious choice to heal others through the healing of Self as everything starts from withIN and radiates outwards through an energetic expansion.  We can decide that we’re sovereign from the pain and negativity of others, even if the energy is specifically directed at your BEing from another.  What we find distasteful gives us our greatest opportunity to reach an understanding.  We are all on our own path and came here to have different experiences.  We can never walk in the shoes of another or expect to have the same reaction to the same circumstances as everyone else.  Our diversity and uniqueness is our gift if we can transcend the energy of lack, judgment, hate, abandonment, betrayal, resentment, jealousy, fear and apathy.  These emotions open the door to the “underworld” from where our inner demons are birthed and take root.  Furthermore, they are ill equipped companions to have on the road to Shambhala.  When we release these emotions, we also release our shadow side enabling us to embody more Light, Love, Happiness, Peace, Balance and Abundance.   As we climb the ladder out of the underworld we find golden tickets of opportunity lighting our path to a newer, better way.  It’s our “time”, moral responsibility, and of the utmost importance to engage in the Gift of Life!

Music to Drive it Home ~ Take Me To Church

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

This article © The Moon Hippie Mystic. Revised and edited for Wake Up World by Andy Whiteley.

The Art of Life ~ Creating through Chaos

Last night as I was sleeping, I dreamt that I had a beehive within my heart, and the golden bees were making white combs and sweet honey from all of my bitter disappointments.
~ Antonio Machado

There is an Art to Life and living if we Learn how to Live it the right way, from the inside out instead of from the outside in.  It requires the willingness to open our mind and heart to our own unique, Creative Gifts.  But, more importantly, it allows us the Freedom to detach ourselves from the matrix of boxes and squares and find that the Gift of Creation is actually Beautifully chaotic.  We become attached to all kinds of unhealthy ideas of what we think we need to be happy but if we look deep withIN we find that what we think we need is mostly of a material, addictive, and external nature.  Everything is upside down in the Beautifully chaotic rabbit hole and we often perceive this chaos as our Lives “falling apart”.

The Rabbit Hole

download (1)There’s terms for this state of being and several come to mind – rock bottom, identity crisis, coming of age, depression, and/or finding the Spirit withIN (which will crack you wide open but that’s another article).  What we learn about Love is backwards in most cases which is ironic because we ARE Love, in its purest form.  The catch, the experiment if you will, was and is to truly find out what it means to be separate and opposite of our true nature which is Love.  The polarity is that Love and hate (fear) are like oil and water so when they interact on an energetic and emotional level we find the chaos, the allergic reaction if you will.  This the dark place, the inky black energy of the Aether, and the rock bottom.  But, it’s also the biggest Gift and our greatest opportunity to find a Creative “spark”…the way “out”.

Even in our darkest and most painful hour, we always have a choice.  It’s just harder to make that choice when we are in an emotional state of change because change can feel like we’re losing something.  To take it a step further, this dying off of the old to make room for the new can sometimes give us the perception of feeling like we can’t go on but it’s really the stale and toxic energy dying, not our Life Force!  But, it so happens that we all have fears and when we go into fear we become less clear on what it is we’re looking for.  From there….well, pack your bag because it’s time to take a trip and this trip is no vacation rather a tumultuous and bumpy ride ultimately leading you to the very same destination!  So, we have to ask ourselves, do we want to take the private jet or pull the rickshaw with all its baggage to get where we need to go?

Emotions don’t make sense all the time.  It doesn’t matter “why?” because we all have our own unique and creative way of processing, perceiving, and evaluating our own experiences.  The best recipe for emotional chaos is to simplify which ultimately brings us to our own objectivity.  We can simplify our emotions into 2 categories, Love or fear.  If you’re not feeling well this will simply tell you everything you need to know.  It means it’s time to clear out the suitcase and make room for something new, something Good – even if it feels upside down (you’re in the rabbit hole, remember?).

The Big Move

Article-4-Hoarding-The-Art-Of-Letting-Go-Photo-1First, it helps to know that we’ve done this before even if we forgot how.  But, when we’re Creating we’re also changing, morphing, evolving, and moving energy – the emotional kind of energy that comes with great weight which is why it’s called EnLightenment.  We’re Lightening our emotional load and unpacking our emotional baggage in order to replace it with more of what our Heart and Soul essence is searching for…. the longing for change and the fear that comes with it.  My son used to say “it’s bark” when he was little instead of voicing the dark but it exists and we have to not only face it but go through it.  Don’t be scared, though, because the darkness is also the Aether which is the spiritual energy of Creation.  The Aehter is the “place” where Miracles are born, Lives are forever changed, and something can come from “nothing”.  The nothingness is still energy because there is no such thing as nothing.  For example, if we make a decision to wait or stand still it’s still a decision, even if it’s temporary.  In the Heartfelt stillness we find the Creative spark we need to set our Universe Afire giving permission for those around us to do the same.  To make the big move we have to realize that it’s a 2 step process.  First, we find the fearful energy looking to be released, and most of us have an awareness of our fears even if we’re unsure how to process them and/or persuade then to move out.  The key is realizing that we need something to replace the fear with and this is the process that we don’t necessarily like so much because it’s uncomfortable at best.

The reason it’s so hard to move is because we don’t always support the Universe in supporting us by focusing on the “what if’s” instead of the Miracles.  Due to societal, familial, and/or religious perceptions we tend to focus on what we can’t do instead of what we can, what can go wrong instead of what can go right, and what other people think instead of listening to the beat of our own Heart.  If we stand still we think we’re doing something “wrong” but it takes great Courage, discipline, and a unique kind of “energy” to be patient and wait for the answers to come instead of fearfully grasping at straws just to make a decision, even if it’s the wrong decision.  We’re creatures of habit and instant gratification forgetting often that we are Infinite BEings.  This is where we get “stuck” going round and round trying to solve fearful problems with the same mentality that created them…more fear.  Solving fear with fear is the proverbial insanity of banging our heads against the wall until we have a “concussion” and can’t think straight at all anymore.

Grab a Pallette

Our rock bottom, uncomfortable,  rage of discontentment is ultimately telling us everything we need to know about what’s not “working” in our Lives.  We may not like what we see when we look in the mirror at some of the fearful, desperate decisions we’ve made but to undo the “damage” we have to go through the darkness in order to see the Light.  The pain of our discontent and anger is the perfect indicator that we are settling for less than what our Heart is telling us we are Worthy of, withIN and without.  We may not like the landscape or the paint we’ve thrown on the canvas but we can change it, move it, enhance it, and color it in.  When we survive our “mistakes” we find we long for a more Joyful, meaningful, enriching, experiential kind of Life that is almost impossible to find as long as we’re thinking that what we want for ourselves is out of our reach.  And, let’s be honest, our demons aren’t very easy to look at which is why they like to lurk just beyond the periphery of our vision.  The ego operates like a secret agent in stealth mode invoking the turbulence of our fear.  But, we have something the “ego” doesn’t – we have our Light.  Darkness is only a blank canvass and the absence of color.  Our Light contains every color imaginable, every possible outcome, and every Loving relationship we ever hope to attract.

Creating something *NEW* is the best way to release emotional baggage and re-color our Lives into something we can’t wait to look at in the mirror.  Life is supposed to be FUN and rewarding, especially when we make the choice to embody our Art of Life and all its endless, beautifully chaotic possibilities.  When we release our fears and Listen to our Heart we find our Gifts withIN – the color, the magic, the eye of the photographer, the voice of an angel, the dancer in all her Grace and Beauty, the yogi who knows stillness is a feat, the words to uplift and empower, the essence of our very BEing.  The Dreamer’s dream comes to Life before our very eyes and it mirrors back to us all that we truly are.  Beautiful Beings of Light and Love who have the power to transcend every dark and fearful thing with our unique and colorful Creator spark in the darkness of the Aether.

Music to drive it Home: Keep Your Head Up ~ Andy Grammer

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

Lost at Sea…

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Let’s speak about a very big issue in our society which is extremely uncomfortable and I believe goes unspoken about in relation to the trauma it causes.  It is with great difficulty that I write this today because it’s a hot button issue not only for myself but for the majority of the people who come to us for Life Coaching.  I want to bring some clarity to childhood emotional abuse and the fallout it brings to a child’s Spirit and mental health.  There are very few people in our society who have had a “Leave it to Beaver” childhood which means that most people these days have suffered some form of abuse but for some reason we think of emotional abuse as “no big deal”.  I’m here to say that it IS a big deal and the trauma from this kind of abuse goes unrecognized for the most part due to the fact that there are no marks or bruises to say “someone is hurting me”.  There are many parents out there who have fallen victim to emotional abuse as children and don’t realize how deep the pain and abandonment go so it continues to be passed down from generation to generation.  When one suffers from emotional abuse they learn that Love=pain which means their Blueprint is upside-down.  An emotionally abused parent finds a precarious path when parenting solely based on what NOT to do so I would like to bring some insight into this type of abuse.  I would like to preface this by saying not all parents who “emotionally abuse” their children are bad people rather they are just as lost sometimes as the children they are raising.

As parents we need to understand that no matter how low our self-esteem or deep our insecurities our children look at us as their Creators therefore, to them, we are Everything!  Parents are “Gods/Goddesses” to their children and when a child suffers from emotional abuse it creates the deepest kind of trauma.  It is a most intimate form of violation when we raise our children in fear, anger, guilt, judgment, neglect, discouragement, indignity, scorn, shame, lack of communication, ridicule, jealousy, criticism, and/or resentment.  Our children are never “consequences” of bad decisions or bad relationships and it is most unfair for a parent to lay this kind of emotional burden on a child.  It’s equivalent to asking a child to hold the weight of not only their world but the weight of the parents world on their shoulders and this clearly can’t be expected of a child.  Our job as parents is not to create a “mini me” who represents all of our ideals rather we are here to mentor their Spirit so they can find their own Gifts and their own way.  It is not for us as parents to Live vicariously through our children by putting our “rules” and expectations on them when we Live in a Limitless world.  We are there for guidance, safety, and consistency so that they can feel Safe and Loved which brings Balance and Self Worth.  We speak of bullying in school but we how often to we stop and question where it begins, and it Always begins at Home.

The most common traumas that are induced from emotional abuse are low self-esteem, abandonment, and an extremely intense fear which sometimes manifests itself as anger.  The way we treat our children is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves making it a guilt-filled journey for parents who are emotionally abusive to their children.  This is why it’s so difficult for them to look at the wake of damage being done up close and personal.  It’s an endless cycle of emotional manipulation, projection, and deflection which leaves the child longing for some form of validation and consistency.  Parents who neglect or abuse their children emotionally are typically in a strong “victim” mentality therefore they cycle between abuse and guilt always looking for a reason to play the “victim” once again.  Most people that are in “victim” mentality refuse to recognize that they are projecting their emotions onto their children this way, complicated by the fact that many of them were also emotionally abused.  It takes the “victim” to recognize that they were a victim at some point or another and begin to deal with the pain and trauma surrounding the “event”.  Most emotionally abused parents who are also emotionally abusive are despondent, disconnected, distracted, and “weary of parenting” when most likely they never learned to care for themselves the proper way – much less a child.  They fail to understand that a parent is more Valuable than anything else in a child’s Life and that their Positive, Loving influence is crucial to the child’s emotional development.  The “abused/abusive” parent may not feel Worthy of the Love the child brings if they also learned that Love=pain.  Many use their children as the excuse to be a victim because they are stressed out or tired of “dealing” with the child because the child becomes a glaring mirror of what the parent doesn’t want to see in themselves.  They tend to look away rather than face the Truth which is compounded by the empathy and intuition almost every parent has at their disposal.  The real tragedy is that the parent is so consumed by having their own emotional needs met instead of focusing on the needs of the child, emotionally and otherwise.  I want to reiterate that because it is VERY important…the parent is consumed with having their emotional needs met above the needs of their child!  An abused child cannot help but feel abandonment and as such it becomes a continuous cycle of searching for Safe Love and in turn pushing it away to make sure it will come back.  The child becomes detached and alone leaving them to tread water in an endless sea of darkness yearning for the parents Love and approval.

When a child is emotionally abused it is the tendency to begin to act out and look for attention which they falsely mistake as Love.  They become so used to negative reinforcement at home that they begin looking for it in all areas of Life including school and relationships.  Once the child reaches an age of “accountability” the abusive parent typically begins to “give up” on the child due to the child’s destructive and angry behavior.  When this happens the abuser,  aka the “victim”, now has every excuse to continue the abusive behavior because the child is acting out and now they can “blame” the child for the mess, even though the behavior was incited by the abusive parent in the first place.  The child feels alone and feels as if there is no one they can count on to “have their back”.  The child is acting out because they are treading water, terrified, and screaming for help in whatever form it comes.  They literally have their hand up and are screaming for rescue in the form of that which they do not understand – Unconditional Love.  The more abandoned the child feels the more intense they will act out because their ultimate goal becomes pushing the parent away to find some sort of Trust in the parent/abuser.  There are no physical marks or scars so the child senses something is off but doesn’t understand what it is since they learned these things from Birth.  Emotional abuse is a slow, chronic process that eats away at the psyche of the child leaving a trail of broken promises behind for the child to reconstruct without the proper tools to do so.  The cries for help intensify as the child grows older if they cannot find the emotion of Love and Acceptance from the abusive parent.  These children will look for “love in all the wrong places” and when they find it they tend to push it away to avoid the pain that comes with their perception of what Love really means.  They learn that Love is inconsistent and has all kinds of “conditions” and oftentimes will become “addicted” to seeking and winning approval from the abusive parent even to the extent of rejecting other people in their Lives that Truly Love them.

It’s much easier for the parent to Heal and begin to parent their children from the Heart than it is for the child.  The child suffers much longer due to the endless quest for Love=pain provided the parent doesn’t begin to teach them they are Unconditionally Loved.  Neglect is also a form of emotional abuse and comes in the form of not nurturing a child and/or their emotions.  Abusive parents are inconsistent and as such the child is left to “walk on eggshells” because the abuse usually alternates between the parent’s Loving presence and the “victim” who presents themselves as the abuser.  A child is a “Godlike”, Spiritual presence in their Innocence and their Love for ALL but abusive parents literally steal their children’s Soul like a blood thirsty vampire.  What a parody of extremes when a child Loves a parent and is utterly terrified of them at the same time without Truly understanding where the fear comes from.  The marks, bruises, and scars are evident only to the child who is left confused and unable to comprehend their fear.  Neglect and abuse come in many forms including unreasonable expectations, anger, excessive punishment, physical and emotional neglect, lack of communication, bullying, name calling, Parental Alienation Syndrome (which involves a parent “bashing” another parent to the child – http://moonhippiemystic.com/2012/10/06/what-is-parental-alienation-syndrome/), and negative reinforcement.  It’s so important to talk to our children about their thoughts and feelings and to spend time interacting with them free from the distraction of television, computers, or phones.  Abused children don’t understand how to express their emotions the proper way because they don’t understand the emotion of Love and the abusive parent doesn’t leave room for the child to express themselves in any way, shape, or form.  The child learns that emotions are “weak” because they don’t have the forum in which to express themselves even though the parent is expressing themselves in the form of the abuse or neglect.  The parent usually suffers from their own childhood trauma and/or depression, alcoholism, or some form of addiction even if the “addiction” is the abusive cycle itself.  The “parent” is then replaced by a victim who enables the child to “raise themselves” due to the parent’s overwhelming guilt and the lack of emotional intelligence needed to face the consequences of the damage that is clearly evident.

A child’s needs are the same as anyone else’s wants in terms BEing seen and heard.  In other words, from an emotional aspect, what the parent may “want” the child actually Needs.  A child literally Needs Love to Survive and without it they become an empty shell longing for something they can’t even begin to put their finger on.  They generally grow up to lead a very lonely, perplexed Life resulting in an endless cycle of searching for Love and validation gaining momentum at every turn or “trauma”.  It’s imperative that a parent listen to their child, learn about their Hopes and Dreams, and Encourage them to pursue a Positive and Healthy Life.  A child should Always know that they are Safe and Loved Unconditionally.  It helps immensely if they are on a schedule so they know what to expect in their day as it helps keep them Balanced and shows the consistency they so desperately yearn for.  They Need Soul nourishment which can be accomplished by teaching them Happiness – yes, we actually have to teach our children how to be Happy.  There’s a great book written just for kids by my friend Patrick McMillan called “Discover Your Happiness Guide” which can assist in beginning the process of Teaching Happiness to our kiddos (http://www.amazon.com/Discover-Your-Happiness-Guide-Just/dp/1481191659/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377702711&sr=8-1&keywords=patrick+mcmillan+happiness) .  A child, by definition, is Joy and when they aren’t able to feel Joy or feel that they bring Joy to their parents they are unable to find Happiness.  Martial Arts is also a great forum and  form of therapy for children who are emotionally abused or bullied as it teaches them discipline, inner strength, philosophy, meditation, and anger management. Most of these children are extremely angry and it does them good to have a forum in which to express themselves.  Positive reinforcement is key as is learning how to talk to the child in order to get them to express their emotions. There’s nothing easier than seeing Life through the eyes of an Innocent child and the wonder they bring to everything they see or touch.  Another necessity is learning to communicate with the child as most abused children are terrified of making any kind of mistake and often view every mistake as a “failure” which is why they tend to lie about small things fearing they will get in “trouble”.  This way of thinking is brought about because the child gets in “trouble” for unreasonable things and is, on most occasions, punished excessively by verbal abuse, yelling, spanking, or “alone” time that goes longer than is necessary.  It is important to observe the child and their behavior because a parent can gain much insight into the patterns and begin to learn what the child’s “triggers” are in order to adjust accordingly.

There are so many sayings and quotations about Unconditional Love but the words are lost on those who have never experienced the Emotion of it.  We can talk and talk for eons about Unconditional Love but until the child and/or parent Allows themselves to REceive Love the words will fall on deaf ears.  The most important thing to remember is that it takes time, patience, and consistency to undo the damage.  It’s a process in teaching the child about Love, Trust, and Happiness which can only be proved by allowing the child time to adjust and room to “act out” their fears and insecurities.  The child needs to feel they have a Safe place to express their emotions because most of the emotions will be fear and anger based which makes it “uncomfortable” for the parent and others who are close to the child.  As the parent it is important to learn Emotional Intelligence in order to be a Calm, Loving, Consistent presence in the child’s Life.  It’s important for the parent to Forgive themselves if they are to make changes because without Forgiveness the cycle will continue due to the emotion of guilt that the parent typically carries with them.  The Truth is, in a Spiritual sense, we are ALL Worthy of Love and Forgiveness and it’s never to late to Begin Again.  If you are in a place to Begin Again, please do so, you and your child are Worth finding Love, Peace, and Happiness in Life.  Make it so!

An Old Cherokee Tale:

One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all. One is Evil.  It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: ‘Which wolf wins?’

The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’

Music to drive it Home:

Blueprints for Butterflies offers Intuitive & Spiritual Life Coaching.   We are a husband/wife team who specialize in crisis situations as well as PTSD, depression, Parental Alienation Syndrome, and abuse situations. Please e-mail us at blueprintsforbutterflies@gmail.com for more information.

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