Safety First ~ Ending & Grieving an Abusive Relationship

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Grief is a most unpopular yet relevant topic of discussion. Maybe that’s why society has a hard time honoring the process, especially when it comes to complicated grief as it pertains to abuse. No one ever tells you to prepare for grief as you would prepare for the convergence of a hurricane. Sometimes grief shows up unexpectedly in any number of ways; like the angel of death on a beautiful October day at the end of a Hawaiian vacation. Ideally, we know grief is coming in some way and have the foresight to make room in our lives for the storm. Specifically, preparing to end or ending an abusive relationship is tricky. In these situations, the victim may feel powerless but preparation allows the edge required to move forward and get back to the joy of living life to its fullest potential.

The process of grief is ultimately about coming to a place of acceptance. There are many milestones along the path where pieces of acceptance come. It won’t come all at once or the way we like it. It is about acceptance, after all. If it were easy, we wouldn’t have to take a journey to get there. So, as with any trip, we prepare accordingly. Grief is a trip, sometimes even reaching psychedelic proportions. The more we resist it, the more it will let us know we’re still trippin’. But, we can map out a plan of action where we consider our options and gather the tools we need to prepare our emotional, spiritual, mental and physical house for the storm to come.

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Grief is like giving birth in reverse.  Instead of new life, we find life leaving us. We don’t want just anyone peering in on our anger and pain when we’re suffering just as we don’t want just anyone watching us in the primal act of sex or childbirth. These are very trying times in being forced to confront the most deep-rooted vulnerabilities as we learn to trust again. If you’re”here”, it’s because trust has been broken somewhere along the way on the deepest level of your spirit; you, or someone you love, is in an abusive relationship. At the very least, you have been spiritually violated and it mostly likely doesn’t stop there but ripples out to the physical, mental and emotional. Accepting this is a milestone.  This is our higher self telling us we can no longer sustain the way we have been.  This is when most of the tools in your toolbox will stop working.  Finding a way to exist outside of the abusive relationship is imperative.

Separating isn’t easy.  A child leaving home.  A lucrative business arrangement gone sour.  A parent who moves from the physical world.  Losing a home in a devastating flood while the world looks the other way. All of these things are grievous. Equally or not, when we separate from an abusive relationship, it is the biggest emotional storm imaginable…our own. If someone is abusing you and then tells you they didn’t do anything “wrong” or they “can’t help it”; believe them because they are telling you they are going to continue. This is a milestone of acceptance. The next step is creating separation. This is an ideal time to find a midwife; even if that midwife is buying some time off work, finding a healer and/or moving to shelter. As in any “survival” scenario, to move is to live; You must find higher ground. When we feel violated in a relationship and only one person is willing to change or admit there’s a problem; we find ourselves getting lost in the hope things will eventually get better. When an abusive person either can’t or won’t get help, we must take charge in order to obtain, maintain and protect our dignity as we allow grief to part the waters of change. We can never allow these things to ensue if we don’t have safe haven. When it all ends, what we seek is what we find; the truth. The ending provides the perfect opportunity to see the true colors in the relationship. Threatening to leave and actually leaving are 2 different things so keep in mind, it will get worse before it gets better. If the situation is physical or sexual, trying to leave before finding safety is dangerous because this is a breeding ground for violence. In the case of emotional, verbal or mental abuse; we have to create a safe space of “no contact” with the abuser. The fear of things getting worse will paralyze the victim like a venomous animal paralyzing its prey for a meal. Find sanctuary. When you have found separation from the abuse, this is a milestone.

After separating from the situation, clarity starts to sink in forcing an assessment of the emotional and psychological injuries that were sustained in the relationship. Triage. This is when the addiction sets in and you may start missing them, or think you do. What’s missing is the idea of the relationship as the illusion it is. It’s not crazy or insane to manufacture a more ideal reality as the feelings are very real but encourage us to believe the other person is equally suffering in our absence.  E-motion is a verb meaning to move emotional energy, emotion is necessary to get to the truth.  The feelings, the intuition and gut feeling of truth, is underneath the illusion that this is a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships are not abusive or one-sided. Love is not being chronically and consistently scared, tense, edgy, unhappy, neglected or so much worse.

This is a dynamic relationship so the provocateur is most likely experiencing the equivalent of a scratch while you are absorbing the brunt of the damage like the cherry on top of an already fragile psyche. This moment of realization can be overwhelming and isolating.  This is when you need to know you’re not alone, have your team standing by and allow yourself to reach out accordingly. The next moments will be tumultuous as you fight the urge to go back; bargaining for the illusion to be true and not the other way around. When the glass house of the illusion is shattered, everything is upside-down in the rabbit hole. This is when the earth shakes. To top it off; you may realize you feel “victimized” while the instigator is using emotional triggers as niceties, storming the castle with rage, screaming in anguish, calling you crazy or riding off in the sunset of alienation depending on the pattern of abuse.

You are addicted to this relationship too.   The body releases hormones at each stage of the roller coaster ride – the high of coming together, the stress of the slow demise, the whiplash  of devaluation and finally the pain when you find yourself discarded with less energy than it takes to pay a bill.  That’s why it feels so good in hoping, goes south in anger when it starts deteriorating, turns to agony when it’s over.  Do you really want to go through this again?  This person, substance, entity or institution is not worth your life. You may not be consciously choosing this but there is a pattern of allowing it; even if this pattern goes back to childhood. It’s the pattern that needs to change, not you. Remember that. Love is why we come “here” in the first place and it’s the reward once you actualize your own Self-Love by not giving your energy away to those who don’t have your best interests at heart. Trust takes time to earn, you are worth the time it takes to earn trust. God, however you choose to define it, is asking this of you. Honor that. That’s what it means when people say “it’s them, not you” and it’s true. Accept this, it is painful but you are very close to getting your life back.

The pain is the hardest part.  I wish I could say that this kind of rejection is easy. This kind of rejection is different because of how damaging the relationship is/was.  You have been emotionally,psychologically, physically and spiritually effected. You probably feel crazy as you unravel the truth. Gaslighting is a term used in psychology because it’s real and damaging; the instigator tries to change your reality by insisting they didn’t do or say the things they did and said. This makes you doubt your own sanity while you don’t even know you’re doubting your own sanity. You’re still trippin’! It’s okay because you’re safe. You feel as if the pain will never end but this is also the convergence. In order to release these things we have to allow them to pass through us. You have the tools. You are actualizing Self-Love and have a safe place to give birth to your pain. The midwife is nurturing and brings soul food. They hold onto you in the moments the pain sets in so you can remember the light on the other side. The pain is a milestone but you can also get lost here. Make sure the midwife knows this. Allow the pain and anger to pass through because this is the storm you’ve been preparing for all this time, the entirety of your life up to this moment. Find a safe place to exorcise and exercise your anger because you will be pissed off and want to let them know about it.  This is not conducive to your recovery.  Find another way.  Those ways are infinite.

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Make a home with your Mother, the Earth. She is waiting to heal you. Be Grateful. You may not know how to receive Her. It’s okay. Humility is a milestone. Accept it, it’s Beautiful. Will you honor your abuser as if she/he were yourself by admitting that they have also suffered in this dis-ease? Can you forgive, even if the only way you can do it is letting go and away from this person? Are you willing to receive the path that waits before you, even if it’s unfamiliar? Will you go back because it’s easier than facing the unknown? Can you answer these questions within yourself honestly or do you need help receiving your truth? Will you commit to your Healing? Do you remember the ancient ways? Are you willing to receive a Spiritual Awakening into your life?

You shouldn’t have to fight for your Divine Inheritance, in a relationship or in the world, but you did. You are a mighty warrior. Look how far you’ve come. Sometimes it really is better to be seemingly alone rather than subject our Sacred selves to this kind of nonsense. Accept this. You have been granted an opportunity to Love again. You hold the staff of Life in your hands and are prepared to spread your message of Faith and Healing. There is someone out there who needs to hear your story. It is your Divine destiny to walk this path with another as someone has walked this path with you. Go forth with Compassion and banish abuse from the vocabulary of Emotional Intelligence. This is your Purpose and you are important to someone else’s journey. This is the last milestone if you choose to Accept it. You are a powerful Healer and will Heal many more. Thank you for your service.

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

 

Blue Water ~ Minding Emotional Pain

blue water“We cannot change anything unless we accept it.”
― C.G. JungModern Man in Search of a Soul

There are times in life’s journey when we simply feel blue.  We sense something is ‘missing’ and emotionally fall into feeling the absence of something stronger than its Presence.  Hidden in these moments is an opportunity for spiritual and emotional growth as the universe is opening a doorway to transcendence.  It’s our choice whether or not to walk through it.  Emotional and spiritual time are not ‘linear’ which is why  we may find ourselves emotionally triggered at anytime in life regardless of ‘timing’.  

What happens when we’re having a hard time processing our emotions?  Most likely, the ‘programmed’ mind will begin to lead us astray in resistance to finding and retrieving these pieces.  The ego tends to create familiar or repetitive stories around the emotion because the mind has its own way of interpreting information.  It draws from the past and our patterns of behavior in order to interpret and filter our reality. The mind has a hard time letting go of “what’s next?” so the tendency is to go back because it’s familiar.  It may obsess on past or future events in order to prevent the true origin of the emotion to surface.  We may perceive anger as pain, bargaining as OCD, material worth as self-worth or loss as obsession; the vastness of our emotional expression is as diverse as the human condition.

Questioning how we’re feeling and why doesn’t bode well for keeping the ‘status quo’ and we expend a great deal of our energy trying to sustain said ‘status quo’.  Many societal expectations tell us that feeling and expressing emotion is weak or unnecessary. When we have a belief system around this idea, it leads to emotional resistance which is why we have a mental and emotional health epidemic on our hands where the ‘quick fixes’ being prescribed are as dangerous as the cause.  Denying emotion can lead to adverse mental effects and psychological complexities that chronically deteriorate our well-being on every level  We become depleted and find it  increasingly difficult to function in a healthy capacity.  The pressure to release these emotions encourages us to find an acceptable way to emotional and spiritual balance as we learn to navigate the paradox of the deep below, the subconscious and unconscious mind.

The Paradox of the Mental Universe

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“The law of polarity states that: Everything is dual, everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree. It is also the first of the mutable or transcendable Universal Laws. It means that there are two sides to everything. Things that appear as opposites are in fact only two extremes of the same thing. ” ~ Tania Kotsos – Mind Your Reality

It’s normal for the mind to resist new ideas and experiences as it prefers consistency and patterns.  However, the more we try not to focus on something, the more we deny its existence, the more fiercely it will get our attention.  For instance, we may have a fundamental trauma around the emotion of abandonment so we focus on feeling connected by filling our lives with casual relationships to jobs or friends instead. But, we don’t let anyone get too close because we haven’t addressed the underlying, root issue.  Deep inside we’re also afraid of intimacy and acceptance.  We subconsciously keep distance in relationships which causes us to feel the abandonment on a deeper level; by trying not to focus on it, we’re still re-creating it rather than confronting it.  Fear of intimacy, acceptance and abandonment are all varying degrees of the same primal wound – the internal root grows many saplings.

Whether we look at emotional release as healthy or detrimental is all in the perspective.  The fact remains that it’s our responsibility to take care of ourselves by listening and responding.  The hardest thing is making peace with our own turbulence but we truly can’t have it any other way.  Life is moving, it’s not waiting for us to decide but it’s encouraging us to lighten our emotional baggage as we go.  When it’s confronted it ultimately leads to spiritual en-lighten-ment but as it goes unchecked it brings a great deal of ‘stress’.  When we finally stop running, we literally pass through the ‘mental’ realm of our own loveless projections; what we know as ‘judgement’ of self and others.  We have to love our ‘karma’ because it’s the universal reflection of our deepest wounds and greatest gifts all at once.  

This is when we see that 2 opposite extremes can both be true at the same time. The child of ‘abuse’ becomes a loving parent but finds themselves triggered later in life by the dichotomy of self as parent and child.  The wound is still there but our perspective is always changing so we can heal on a deeper level.  In spirit, all is One and “as it should be”.  We are human beings processing information and sometimes we have a hard time finding acceptance. The big hairy monster in the closet is typically our very own resistance to something we already know inside.

Blue Water

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Pain is a natural occurrence of the human experience and emotional pain is no different. Unlike physical pain, emotional pain can be avoided and denied until we have gone from pain to suffering.  Additionally, we sometimes go through tough and transitional moments in life such as a loss, endangerment or even a natural shift in perspective that causes doubt or insecurity to arise.  When we learn to sit in stillness with our emotions, we learn to reach a meditative state as the observer.    Sometimes we can mistake base mentality thinking or listening to the ego’s rhetoric as being ‘mindful’ of our emotions.      

In spirit, we learn to connect with the vastness of Love in the Universe but we all have an inner antagonist.  A purposeful response is protecting our own dignity and self-worth by finding out what it is and what it wants.  We can’t make this connection with our mind rather we must make an emotional and spiritual connection through our heart.  It requires a part of us to step aside and this is where we need to find patience.  It can be difficult to quiet the mind.  If it weren’t, we wouldn’t notice that everyone seems to be talking while, at the same time, no one seems to be listening.  We all want to be heard but we have to also learn to listen; listen to Self, the Earth, the Art, the Music, the Yoga, the Breath, the Wisdom of our Sage and timeless Spirit; the infinite withIN.  The universe speaks in a quiet whisper, the ‘ego’ speaks quite differently.

We are all healers.  By healing self, we open the prison doors to emotional freedom and expression.  It’s okay to contemplate and question.  Ultimately, it’s our ability to find sanity in an insane world that is natural and organic.  It’s in our nature to be curious about the universe and, when we play the universal scavenger hunt, we become demystified…our own mystic.  When we look to nature and natural creation to soothe our wounds, we detach from the deafening rhetoric and find a place to plant new roots.  We must rely on the truth of our eternal spirit to grow free from our primal wounds and the distractions of society’s limiting institutions.  When we decompress from our pain, we heal the individual and collective psyche.  Letting go lifts the burden of tension and brings clarity helping us better manage what’s on our proverbial plate.  Clarity returns as spirit takes over lighting the path to a more peaceful way of being.  

We can’t have both worlds – to be true to self we must honor our inner world and our emotional wounds.  Blue water sometimes feels more like fire water.  The fire burns off the dense energy that creates the patterns and programs of insanely doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  As we leave the insanity and face the ‘wake of damage’ it left behind, the water soothes the burn of ‘regret’ .  Remember, honest emotional expression is Beautiful.   It’s every color of the rainbow.  Blue is the color of our truth and our divinity.  It’s a Gift, even though it may not feel that way in the moment.  It’s what we create with it that matters.  Something Blue, maybe?

Music to drive it Home: Rascal Flatts ~ Feels Like Today

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

 

The Ties That Bind – Releasing Toxic Relationships

By Jennifer Deisher

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all barriers within yourself that you have built against it” ~ Rumi

Toxic relationships come in all forms and can be detrimental in so many ways, but they also offer the greatest opportunity for growth and learning. It’s within the mindset of growth that we can begin to navigate and resolve relationship toxicity issues in order to release and move on. This can be a very difficult thing to accomplish since the toxicity is much like a drop of ink that spoils the entire well, leaving a cellular toxicity, much like an allergic reaction, to this kind of abusive relationship. The poisoning of the well leaves us feeling “tainted” and eventually leaves behind a continuous cycle of grief in the emotions of denial, bargaining, anger, and pain – a cycle that can never lead to the Acceptance we seek in the form of Unconditional Love.

In the big picture, no one has “permission” to bring toxicity into our energy field unless we allow it. However, sometimes the toxicity sets in on a cellular level when this kind of relationship is born in childhood, before we have earliest memories or have even learned to communicate in some cases. It can become a challenge, learning to separate one’s own “energy” from the energy of the poisonous relationship, so it’s important to have insight into how to let go and/or navigate the relationship in a new and different way.

The Cycle of Toxicity

If one has never experienced Unconditional Love on an energetic level then one can become easily fooled into thinking they have found “love”, but oftentimes find it to be quite the opposite leaving behind a feeling of guilt or shame or fear, coupled with a feeling of being “unlovable”. This becomes especially apparent when one has suffered from some sort of abuse in childhood and never experienced the emotion of Unconditional Love. How can one know if we’ve truly found something we’ve never experienced?

Our relationships are a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves – our own Self Worth – and when we vacillate between toxicity and “love” we truly find ourselves in an unhealthy situation. The toxicity shows up in the form of hostility, aggression, conflicts, quarrels, judgement, and criticism among other things. The Clarity that we tend to find in these type of relationships typically comes in the form of the negativity it brings rather than a Positive, Loving outcome. Like a junkie seeking heroin, we find ourselves in an addictive situation alternating between the high when things are going well and the low when the shit hits the fan.

Many times we finds ourselves trying to “fix” and/or communicate with the other person, all while defending oneself against the “judgement” the relationship brings on – both judgement from the other person and judgement of Self for being in that situation in the first place. Usually both parties who participate in these relationships bring a great deal of emotional deflection and projection, meaning that they project their emotions onto the other person when these emotions are actually coming from Self. This pattern is ironic as they typically also deflect or are in denial of the very emotions they are projecting onto the other person. It’s a truly ruthless cycle to break.

These relationships are indeed a great distraction from focusing on Self and finding the painfully missing piece one lacks withIN. One has to be willing to seek awareness of and identify with their own patterns, in order to Heal and become Whole. We have to remember that there are other addictions besides “substances”, and just because it’s familiar doesn’t mean it’s good for us.

It Starts Within

Forgiveness is key in any relationship that has had turmoil or is “ending”. However, just because we have found the Art of Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean we can continue to indulge in the relationship without being vulnerable, much like mixing oil and vinegar. First, we have to recognize that which we are bringing to the table and learn to separate it from what the other person is bringing. Next, we have to realize that we are ALL worthy of Unconditional Love, and if the relationship is energetically toxic we may have no other choice but to walk away with Love and Gratitude in our Hearts.

The key is a deep understanding that sometimes we don’t get to have the relationships we were always hoping for with certain people in our Lives, but we experience them for a reason.

In order to manifest Unconditional Love into our Lives we have to be willing to receive it, no matter what form it takes. Frequently, when we cannot make a relationship work the way we want, we tend to think of the relationship and ourselves as having “failed” at Love. This is just a matter of perspective and can be shifted if we Allow ourselves to release all conditions and expectations in the relationship, while looking at the relationship as an opportunity to remove the blocks that keep us from finding Unconditional Love, specifically in the form we are looking for.

Everything we seek to find can be found withIN so it’s important to create boundaries, both energetically and otherwise. Remember, no ONE can hurt you emotionally without your permission so it’s essential to separate oneself with Intention. This can be done by declaring to Self that this person no longer has your permission to speak or act a certain way since they do not have your best interests at Heart; this declaration should also be done on a Spiritual level and/or in meditation etc.

Intending a separation of energy is crucial because the way the toxicity presents itself is usually a very chronic process whereas our Awareness of the situation becomes clouded slowly. This is confusing because although the relationship tends to start off as seemingly Happy it progressively becomes unmanageable, leaving one wondering when and where things went “wrong”. This is precisely the reason why continuing to indulge one’s SELF in the negativity cannot possibly bring the Loving relationship that you seek.

In the Art of Bushido a true “warrior” is asked to find Gratitude when a weakness is exposed, as it gives them an Opportunity to reinforce their armor, if you will. A toxic relationship is where we find the same kind of opportunity for Gratitude and Growth. But we must remove our own energy from the energy of the poisonous interaction, and change it, in order to release the ties that bind.

Remember, we are all Worthy of Loving and Healthy relationships. Wherever you find yourself in your relationships today, please Remember that you are so very Beautiful, Worthy, and Loved.

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

Basketweaving 101~ Weaving Happiness into our Vibration

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Happiness is a factor of Life and one well worth striving for.  It’s a necessary component for us to completely embark on a spiritual path.  Our heart, soul, and spirit don’t live in the energy of “not good enough”, or where there isn’t enough time, or in our negative energy.  Let’s face it, some of us have had our fair share of addiction, trauma, and tragedy.  Those who have experienced some of the more “hard core” issues, or are currently working through them, may find that sometimes we have to work a little harder to find our Joy.

Many of us have experienced the fallout of what we sometimes call “the matrix”.  I prefer to think of it as limited patterns of controlling behavior which constricts our true power as creators because we think we have a limited amount of choices.  What we forget sometimes is that we actually have to learn or re-learn how to be Happy.  Many people are experiencing spiritual awakening or are in a deep emotional process of acceptance and release, or both.  The key is realizing that it doesn’t all just happen overnight.  We (typically) don’t just wake up to a massive pot of gold at the end of a rainbow one sunny morning, especially if we’ve had trauma, abuse, or addiction in our past.  Basically, happiness is a more natural state of being.  But, when we learn “misery” and limitation in its place, it also makes sense that we may have to learn how to be happy again.  To go even further, we may have to learn how to be happy for the very first time…ever!

Our fears, traumas, abuse, and addictions leave us feeling pretty crappy – it’s true.  It’s not necessarily something we embrace in the spiritual community of “love and light” but it doesn’t make the emotion any less real.  Sometimes the crappy feeling takes over our mind and body to such an extent that it takes great heart and soul effort to overcome them in an emotionally healthy way.  We all have (what we’ll call) “baskets” that we use for our emotions but this can also be detrimental to our recovery if we have one basket in which we place all of our emotions.  For example, if someone has an addiction which has had a very negative effect on their life, they may have an emotional basket labeled “addiction”.  Even when the person has freed themselves from their addiction they continue to carry around the addiction basket.  The anonymous programming of organizations like AA encourage people to carry this addiction basket around with them every day and it then becomes a foundation for all of the emotional baggage in life.  That means that whenever something feels off or wrong in life we can always put it in the “addiction” basket even though “what’s wrong” may have nothing to do with the addiction.  One day we wake up and find that we have chronically created a scapegoat for all that is wrong in our world and we’ve managed to fit it into one (very limited) “basket”.  The basket could be an abusive parent, an untrustworthy relationship, a deep seated fear, or even a financial “issue”.  From there, we tend to take everything we view as being “wrong” and put it into our trauma basket thereby giving our power away to our perception of this one issue as we continue to let it control our lives via our “negative” (uncomfortable) emotions.

d0d04af17343092ca6a5e4a9d15a4ac5Once we have created a basket for our negative experiences, it becomes a habitual pattern to continue to pile more negative experiences into our trauma basket.  What we sometimes fail to understand is that when we are constantly in a place of re-living our negative experiences we are also, however inadvertently, creating more negative experiences.  From here, it gets a little more difficult to find acceptance until we lay down our basket or weave a new one.  It helps to recognize that happiness is actually a learned behavior.  If we’ve been taught in some way to be miserable we can also learn how to be happy instead.  First of all, the fears, traumas, addiction, abandonment, etc. will still be there for a “minute” – regardless of whether or not we choose to focus on it.  It’s a part of our life experience so it never fully “leaves” us but our perception of it, the emotions around it, and whether or not we chose to let it define us can change, will change… if we allow it.  When we’re in the process of Healing from our afflictions, we are really coming to a place of learning to validate and appreciate those feelings which sees us not able to run away from them.  We actually have to allow ourselves to grieve in a healthy way but the emotions may cause us to have looping thoughts that revolve around our basket of misery.  This is when neuroplasticity or changing our mental focus plays a great role in overcoming traumatic experiences in order to Heal.  In these situations we have to learn to focus on our mental focus and find a way to weave happy, loving, blissful experiences into our basket at the same time.  Sometimes we find ourselves having to reach for these Happy experiences because we may not have very many of them or we forgot how it feels to be in a peaceful emotional place.  However, if we focus on happy experiences (past, present, or future) it takes us away from the tunnel vision of solely focusing on the trauma.

When we re-live our negative, addictive, traumatic experiences over and over again we have a harder time “snapping out of it” so to speak.  That’s not to say the issues aren’t real but we also have to focus on more positive experiences first before we begin to see them manifest into our physical reality.  At the same time, when we’re so deeply focused on the trauma we may not see any positivity in our lives even though it may be there in force.  What that ultimately comes down to is what we choose to focus on, our perspective, and whether we’re placing emphasis on a loving, positive, happy perspective or we place our spotlight on the fear, anxiety, and tragedy of the trauma.  This is the part we have to “work” at because our patterned emotions also want to remain, almost like its own “parasitic” energy.  It (truly) takes work to re-train our mental focus, especially when we are uncomfortable in our mind, body, and spirit.  This is where neuroplasticity comes in or “focus on our mental focus”.

60526c9a725effaf3c418ed87a24fc30In my article, Quantum Mechanics of the Soul, I wrote about behavioral patterns and how our awareness of our own patterns changes how we interact with them.  This means that just by being aware of our trauma basket we can begin to change how it affects us.   Therefore, our conscious awareness of the “problem” shows the Universe our intention of Healing from said “problem” which is the first step in the process, recognition.  From here we can begin to consciously interact with the emotions which is when we can shake them out and put them back again in a more positive way.  We’ve also determined that some of us have to “work” a little harder to find those happy, lighter, more loving emotions.  And, that’s okay – actually VERY normal when we are in “distress”!  A great way focus on our mental focus is an exercise I call “Emotional Imagination”.  We’re quite used to hearing that “thoughts create things” and that’s true….to an extent.  The real key to creating with the Law of Attraction is using our Emotional Imagination.  This is when we’re planning our Happiness in the form of a dream vacation, a purposeful job, a prosperous future, a loving relationship, our kid’s gifted accomplishments, a healthy support system, good weather, the perfect friendship, making a mind/body connection, and on and on we go.  As we Emotionally Imagine these memories it’s like a wave of Happiness washing up on our beach of “misery”.  Emotional Imagination is emotionally focusing on how we want to Feel instead of focusing on the “crappy” feeling, but it’s also really Allowing ourselves the opportunity to Feel Good.  The wave loosens the little, irritating grains of sand (what I call “ninja demons”) and it’s up to us to re-integrate these grains of sand on our beach as we let go of the “shock and awe” around our negative experience and embrace our Happiness in its wake. We’re creating the most beautiful sea glass, loosening and smoothing our sharp, jagged traumas until we are no longer giving them our energy….AT ALL!  And, we get to go to the most Amazing places while we weave a new basket into a new reality and a new (trauma-free) Life.

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

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