Morbid Affection: The Psychology of Narcopathy

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Psychology is the study of the mental aspects of the psyche and is relevant to achieving all aspects of clarity. The psyche is the whole of the human soul, mind and spirit. The mind is a very powerful aspect of the whole and the last place we “think” to look for spiritual and/or emotional keys when it comes to actualizing self-love. Love starts from within and if we don’t learn what love is, and isn’t, we tend to go forward learning very hard lessons along the road in life. Sometimes we learn love as an upside-down concept that urges us to look outside of ourselves to identify love, esteem and answers that come from withIN. We must be willing to listen and accept ourselves as we are in order to realize change, especially when we don’t like what we find. This is why they say “judge not lest ye be judged” because it is always a dual reflection.

Pathy is a Greek word which denotes feeling into certain areas of the psyche; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. [i] This is also a way of “feeling into” our own dis-order or dis-ease, especially as we clear the mental plane of understanding why we behave the way we do toward self and others. These feelings can be good or bad. When our being is imbalanced in any area, we can look at a “pathy” as a form of “morbid affection”. Narcopathy would then mean “morbid affection of self and others”, even if it presents itself as apathy, lethargy or feeling numb to specific feelings or emotion. A person who can hurt someone and not feel any remorse is disconnected from their own psyche in some way. As everything starts from within and radiates outward, we have to be able to mindfully tell the difference between unconditional love and morbid affection. Morbid affection is the dis-ease that is infecting the root of our proverbial family tree, both individually and collectively. It is the opposite of love. It is self-loathing, grandiose admiration of oneself and/or apathy; a serious problem because most people who think and feel this way tend to show it in a way that is harmful to the self and/or speaks of loathing others. It is intolerance, cynicism, condescension and even hate posing as love; we have to learn to tell the difference if we are to self-evolve.

We all have a “god spark” but that doesn’t mean we know how to connect with it and use it for good and healing. This perpetuated concept of love posed as something more insidious and deceitful is worth “thinking” about from a psychological aspect. Keep in mind, it can also be highly psyche shattering when we find moments of self-realization that include love posing as something very different indeed. Especially as we see how we’ve carried these imbalanced patterns forward into the world in “looking for love in all the wrong places”.

The Compartmentalization of Eve

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Sane and feeling people have a really hard time truly understanding the nature of “evil”, power, greed or lack of empathy; every aspect of “narcopathy” is relevant to our collective ‘ascension’. It’s also why we have a hard time seeing those qualities in ourselves. We want to see the best in other people just as we hope they will see the best in us. There is nothing wrong with this concept if we lived in a self-actualized society where we are all aligned with the proper energy of love and not fear. The problem is not in looking for the good in others, the problem is in understanding that maybe it just isn’t there; even if it means it just doesn’t exist in a relationship, the workplace, as a parent or with an establishment(s) and/or institution. Specifically, we are talking about inherently dysfunctional patterns of behavior that feed the illusion of another’s self-interests; the illusion we’re trying to free ourselves from in the first place. Psychological hooks in the psyche that pose as emotional triggers to incite unhealthy emotional reactions from self and others. A parent who blames a child for their own inadequacies; blaming a partner for your own lack of intimacy; practicing psychological abuse or manipulation (the topic in focus); bullying another or standing by watching another be bullied while saying nothing, effectively enabling the abuser; engaging in reckless, careless and erratic emotional behavior; luring others into oppression or oppressive behavior; engaging in terrorism or war, directly or by proxy;  committing ecocide, homicide or genocide; . There are too many areas of “dysfunction” in our collective consciousness, we can only focus on healing our own if we want to truly be the change we wish to see in the world.

The mind is a brilliant tool and weapon, it protects us from ourselves and others when we are compromised. It protects us from our true self if we refuse to see our “flaws”. It’s the discombobulated feeling we get when we know we have emotional connections to make in order to transcend the mirror of the mental plane. The source of ALL truth is in realizing we all have certain areas in life where we play the unfortunate antagonist, especially as it relates to the self; the micro affects the macro. No one gets a “free pass” in this way. This is what we mean when we say “the nature of duality” as it relates to healing self and others. We cannot heal something that bothers us if we can’t even see that we are allowing or actualizing our own abusive behavior toward self and others.

We can be good people but still be a lousy in one (or more) of our compartments because it’s how we tend to “justify” behavior that we don’t want to participate in but do, for whatever reason. We can be a good employer but a terrible parent. A good family (wo)man who makes destructive and detrimental political decisions on behalf of the collective. A successful person with unhealthy attachments. Talking but not doing. You can put on a brave face to the world and then practice “self-loathing” at home. Addiction, obsessive behavior, anger, alienating the people you say you care about, not doing the right thing when you know the right thing to do, lack of humility and atonement, self-deprivation and so much more. This is what it means when they say “you can’t love anyone until you love yourself”.

In fact, there is a very metaphoric meaning to the biblical story of The Tree of Life, Eve and the snake in the garden. If someone can’t come into your sacred space without waking the snake, the intuition and emotional triggers that come when your tree shakes knowing you should be on alert, than maybe it’s a telltale sign to stop allowing them to poison the fruit of your proverbial tree? On the dual side of this epiphany is if everyone rattles the snake, it may be a sign of practicing an unhealthy form of love by thinking you don’t need connections and healthy relationships in life. The balance is when we realize that Eve didn’t allow the snake into the garden, the snake was the protector of the garden all along.

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The idea that there is no more growth and learning to be done is a desperate form of ignorance; ignoring the nuances as a way of holding onto an illusion. There are many temptations that lead to this practice of psychic deception, the mind attempting to deceive the psyche into believing it is acting sane and rationally. It requires humility and surrender to admit we don’t have all the answers, especially when the illusion cracks and we reach a choice point of continuing into delusion or deciding to seek clarity and Healing. Sometimes the mind doesn’t want to accept the potential of the heart and soul, change can be extremely painful when we are feeling through the e-motion of sorrow or fear. The ability to connect our true feelings with our true mental state is a milestone indeed. If this journey of attachment and detachment proves debilitating, it’s usually because we aren’t allowing ourselves to focus on it some way. We are most likely still confined in the consciousness that created the problem in the first place.

When we throw ourselves out there in a million different directions looking for answers, we can’t be surprised when we feel overwhelmed and don’t know which “lead” to follow. This is when we can become desperate and begin to suffer enormously in an energetic capacity. It is truly self-healing when we allow our intuition to lead us to the answers. We aren’t participating in our own healing when we refuse to listen to, and be mindful of, the ONE true voice that really matters. The voice of our own Truth; no matter how self-loathing it may be. It’s important to ask our divinity to work through us to achieve the highest outcome for all involved as we embark on this precarious process. The “crucifixion” is a process of standing before your own Divinity stripped of all titles, roles and labels that are used to compartmentalize the experiences we are having. The “Tribulation” is when we see our own tragic behavior and the wake of damage it left behind. This is when the abused becomes the abuser; what have we taken on and been stained with in our individual and collective journey?

We can’t heal if we’re running away from the only things that truly matter; the ground beneath our feet, the self, the family, the focus it takes to focus. We slow down. We re-think the illusion that just because we seemingly “have it all” doesn’t mean we don’t have to practice all aspects of health to maintain our own well-being; including the mirror of our own psyches. We stop abandoning ourselves on our spiritual journey because we don’t like what we “see”. The practice of “Dharma” in Buddhism is the practice of recognizing, balancing and protecting ourselves from fear. A practice of Self-Compassion, Mindfulness and “mirror therapy” may be helpful in actualizing self-love. It forces the mind to slow down, recognize and receive what the universe is trying to teach it, through the self and the entire psyche; within and without.  Are you really listening?

[i] http://www.dictionary.com/browse/-pathy

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

Safety First ~ Ending & Grieving an Abusive Relationship

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Grief is a most unpopular yet relevant topic of discussion. Maybe that’s why society has a hard time honoring the process, especially when it comes to complicated grief as it pertains to abuse. No one ever tells you to prepare for grief as you would prepare for the convergence of a hurricane. Sometimes grief shows up unexpectedly in any number of ways; like the angel of death on a beautiful October day at the end of a Hawaiian vacation. Ideally, we know grief is coming in some way and have the foresight to make room in our lives for the storm. Specifically, preparing to end or ending an abusive relationship is tricky. In these situations, the victim may feel powerless but preparation allows the edge required to move forward and get back to the joy of living life to its fullest potential.

The process of grief is ultimately about coming to a place of acceptance. There are many milestones along the path where pieces of acceptance come. It won’t come all at once or the way we like it. It is about acceptance, after all. If it were easy, we wouldn’t have to take a journey to get there. So, as with any trip, we prepare accordingly. Grief is a trip, sometimes even reaching psychedelic proportions. The more we resist it, the more it will let us know we’re still trippin’. But, we can map out a plan of action where we consider our options and gather the tools we need to prepare our emotional, spiritual, mental and physical house for the storm to come.

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Grief is like giving birth in reverse.  Instead of new life, we find life leaving us. We don’t want just anyone peering in on our anger and pain when we’re suffering just as we don’t want just anyone watching us in the primal act of sex or childbirth. These are very trying times in being forced to confront the most deep-rooted vulnerabilities as we learn to trust again. If you’re”here”, it’s because trust has been broken somewhere along the way on the deepest level of your spirit; you, or someone you love, is in an abusive relationship. At the very least, you have been spiritually violated and it mostly likely doesn’t stop there but ripples out to the physical, mental and emotional. Accepting this is a milestone.  This is our higher self telling us we can no longer sustain the way we have been.  This is when most of the tools in your toolbox will stop working.  Finding a way to exist outside of the abusive relationship is imperative.

Separating isn’t easy.  A child leaving home.  A lucrative business arrangement gone sour.  A parent who moves from the physical world.  Losing a home in a devastating flood while the world looks the other way. All of these things are grievous. Equally or not, when we separate from an abusive relationship, it is the biggest emotional storm imaginable…our own. If someone is abusing you and then tells you they didn’t do anything “wrong” or they “can’t help it”; believe them because they are telling you they are going to continue. This is a milestone of acceptance. The next step is creating separation. This is an ideal time to find a midwife; even if that midwife is buying some time off work, finding a healer and/or moving to shelter. As in any “survival” scenario, to move is to live; You must find higher ground. When we feel violated in a relationship and only one person is willing to change or admit there’s a problem; we find ourselves getting lost in the hope things will eventually get better. When an abusive person either can’t or won’t get help, we must take charge in order to obtain, maintain and protect our dignity as we allow grief to part the waters of change. We can never allow these things to ensue if we don’t have safe haven. When it all ends, what we seek is what we find; the truth. The ending provides the perfect opportunity to see the true colors in the relationship. Threatening to leave and actually leaving are 2 different things so keep in mind, it will get worse before it gets better. If the situation is physical or sexual, trying to leave before finding safety is dangerous because this is a breeding ground for violence. In the case of emotional, verbal or mental abuse; we have to create a safe space of “no contact” with the abuser. The fear of things getting worse will paralyze the victim like a venomous animal paralyzing its prey for a meal. Find sanctuary. When you have found separation from the abuse, this is a milestone.

After separating from the situation, clarity starts to sink in forcing an assessment of the emotional and psychological injuries that were sustained in the relationship. Triage. This is when the addiction sets in and you may start missing them, or think you do. What’s missing is the idea of the relationship as the illusion it is. It’s not crazy or insane to manufacture a more ideal reality as the feelings are very real but encourage us to believe the other person is equally suffering in our absence.  E-motion is a verb meaning to move emotional energy, emotion is necessary to get to the truth.  The feelings, the intuition and gut feeling of truth, is underneath the illusion that this is a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships are not abusive or one-sided. Love is not being chronically and consistently scared, tense, edgy, unhappy, neglected or so much worse.

This is a dynamic relationship so the provocateur is most likely experiencing the equivalent of a scratch while you are absorbing the brunt of the damage like the cherry on top of an already fragile psyche. This moment of realization can be overwhelming and isolating.  This is when you need to know you’re not alone, have your team standing by and allow yourself to reach out accordingly. The next moments will be tumultuous as you fight the urge to go back; bargaining for the illusion to be true and not the other way around. When the glass house of the illusion is shattered, everything is upside-down in the rabbit hole. This is when the earth shakes. To top it off; you may realize you feel “victimized” while the instigator is using emotional triggers as niceties, storming the castle with rage, screaming in anguish, calling you crazy or riding off in the sunset of alienation depending on the pattern of abuse.

You are addicted to this relationship too.   The body releases hormones at each stage of the roller coaster ride – the high of coming together, the stress of the slow demise, the whiplash  of devaluation and finally the pain when you find yourself discarded with less energy than it takes to pay a bill.  That’s why it feels so good in hoping, goes south in anger when it starts deteriorating, turns to agony when it’s over.  Do you really want to go through this again?  This person, substance, entity or institution is not worth your life. You may not be consciously choosing this but there is a pattern of allowing it; even if this pattern goes back to childhood. It’s the pattern that needs to change, not you. Remember that. Love is why we come “here” in the first place and it’s the reward once you actualize your own Self-Love by not giving your energy away to those who don’t have your best interests at heart. Trust takes time to earn, you are worth the time it takes to earn trust. God, however you choose to define it, is asking this of you. Honor that. That’s what it means when people say “it’s them, not you” and it’s true. Accept this, it is painful but you are very close to getting your life back.

The pain is the hardest part.  I wish I could say that this kind of rejection is easy. This kind of rejection is different because of how damaging the relationship is/was.  You have been emotionally,psychologically, physically and spiritually effected. You probably feel crazy as you unravel the truth. Gaslighting is a term used in psychology because it’s real and damaging; the instigator tries to change your reality by insisting they didn’t do or say the things they did and said. This makes you doubt your own sanity while you don’t even know you’re doubting your own sanity. You’re still trippin’! It’s okay because you’re safe. You feel as if the pain will never end but this is also the convergence. In order to release these things we have to allow them to pass through us. You have the tools. You are actualizing Self-Love and have a safe place to give birth to your pain. The midwife is nurturing and brings soul food. They hold onto you in the moments the pain sets in so you can remember the light on the other side. The pain is a milestone but you can also get lost here. Make sure the midwife knows this. Allow the pain and anger to pass through because this is the storm you’ve been preparing for all this time, the entirety of your life up to this moment. Find a safe place to exorcise and exercise your anger because you will be pissed off and want to let them know about it.  This is not conducive to your recovery.  Find another way.  Those ways are infinite.

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Make a home with your Mother, the Earth. She is waiting to heal you. Be Grateful. You may not know how to receive Her. It’s okay. Humility is a milestone. Accept it, it’s Beautiful. Will you honor your abuser as if she/he were yourself by admitting that they have also suffered in this dis-ease? Can you forgive, even if the only way you can do it is letting go and away from this person? Are you willing to receive the path that waits before you, even if it’s unfamiliar? Will you go back because it’s easier than facing the unknown? Can you answer these questions within yourself honestly or do you need help receiving your truth? Will you commit to your Healing? Do you remember the ancient ways? Are you willing to receive a Spiritual Awakening into your life?

You shouldn’t have to fight for your Divine Inheritance, in a relationship or in the world, but you did. You are a mighty warrior. Look how far you’ve come. Sometimes it really is better to be seemingly alone rather than subject our Sacred selves to this kind of nonsense. Accept this. You have been granted an opportunity to Love again. You hold the staff of Life in your hands and are prepared to spread your message of Faith and Healing. There is someone out there who needs to hear your story. It is your Divine destiny to walk this path with another as someone has walked this path with you. Go forth with Compassion and banish abuse from the vocabulary of Emotional Intelligence. This is your Purpose and you are important to someone else’s journey. This is the last milestone if you choose to Accept it. You are a powerful Healer and will Heal many more. Thank you for your service.

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

 

The Ties That Bind – Releasing Toxic Relationships

By Jennifer Deisher

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all barriers within yourself that you have built against it” ~ Rumi

Toxic relationships come in all forms and can be detrimental in so many ways, but they also offer the greatest opportunity for growth and learning. It’s within the mindset of growth that we can begin to navigate and resolve relationship toxicity issues in order to release and move on. This can be a very difficult thing to accomplish since the toxicity is much like a drop of ink that spoils the entire well, leaving a cellular toxicity, much like an allergic reaction, to this kind of abusive relationship. The poisoning of the well leaves us feeling “tainted” and eventually leaves behind a continuous cycle of grief in the emotions of denial, bargaining, anger, and pain – a cycle that can never lead to the Acceptance we seek in the form of Unconditional Love.

In the big picture, no one has “permission” to bring toxicity into our energy field unless we allow it. However, sometimes the toxicity sets in on a cellular level when this kind of relationship is born in childhood, before we have earliest memories or have even learned to communicate in some cases. It can become a challenge, learning to separate one’s own “energy” from the energy of the poisonous relationship, so it’s important to have insight into how to let go and/or navigate the relationship in a new and different way.

The Cycle of Toxicity

If one has never experienced Unconditional Love on an energetic level then one can become easily fooled into thinking they have found “love”, but oftentimes find it to be quite the opposite leaving behind a feeling of guilt or shame or fear, coupled with a feeling of being “unlovable”. This becomes especially apparent when one has suffered from some sort of abuse in childhood and never experienced the emotion of Unconditional Love. How can one know if we’ve truly found something we’ve never experienced?

Our relationships are a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves – our own Self Worth – and when we vacillate between toxicity and “love” we truly find ourselves in an unhealthy situation. The toxicity shows up in the form of hostility, aggression, conflicts, quarrels, judgement, and criticism among other things. The Clarity that we tend to find in these type of relationships typically comes in the form of the negativity it brings rather than a Positive, Loving outcome. Like a junkie seeking heroin, we find ourselves in an addictive situation alternating between the high when things are going well and the low when the shit hits the fan.

Many times we finds ourselves trying to “fix” and/or communicate with the other person, all while defending oneself against the “judgement” the relationship brings on – both judgement from the other person and judgement of Self for being in that situation in the first place. Usually both parties who participate in these relationships bring a great deal of emotional deflection and projection, meaning that they project their emotions onto the other person when these emotions are actually coming from Self. This pattern is ironic as they typically also deflect or are in denial of the very emotions they are projecting onto the other person. It’s a truly ruthless cycle to break.

These relationships are indeed a great distraction from focusing on Self and finding the painfully missing piece one lacks withIN. One has to be willing to seek awareness of and identify with their own patterns, in order to Heal and become Whole. We have to remember that there are other addictions besides “substances”, and just because it’s familiar doesn’t mean it’s good for us.

It Starts Within

Forgiveness is key in any relationship that has had turmoil or is “ending”. However, just because we have found the Art of Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean we can continue to indulge in the relationship without being vulnerable, much like mixing oil and vinegar. First, we have to recognize that which we are bringing to the table and learn to separate it from what the other person is bringing. Next, we have to realize that we are ALL worthy of Unconditional Love, and if the relationship is energetically toxic we may have no other choice but to walk away with Love and Gratitude in our Hearts.

The key is a deep understanding that sometimes we don’t get to have the relationships we were always hoping for with certain people in our Lives, but we experience them for a reason.

In order to manifest Unconditional Love into our Lives we have to be willing to receive it, no matter what form it takes. Frequently, when we cannot make a relationship work the way we want, we tend to think of the relationship and ourselves as having “failed” at Love. This is just a matter of perspective and can be shifted if we Allow ourselves to release all conditions and expectations in the relationship, while looking at the relationship as an opportunity to remove the blocks that keep us from finding Unconditional Love, specifically in the form we are looking for.

Everything we seek to find can be found withIN so it’s important to create boundaries, both energetically and otherwise. Remember, no ONE can hurt you emotionally without your permission so it’s essential to separate oneself with Intention. This can be done by declaring to Self that this person no longer has your permission to speak or act a certain way since they do not have your best interests at Heart; this declaration should also be done on a Spiritual level and/or in meditation etc.

Intending a separation of energy is crucial because the way the toxicity presents itself is usually a very chronic process whereas our Awareness of the situation becomes clouded slowly. This is confusing because although the relationship tends to start off as seemingly Happy it progressively becomes unmanageable, leaving one wondering when and where things went “wrong”. This is precisely the reason why continuing to indulge one’s SELF in the negativity cannot possibly bring the Loving relationship that you seek.

In the Art of Bushido a true “warrior” is asked to find Gratitude when a weakness is exposed, as it gives them an Opportunity to reinforce their armor, if you will. A toxic relationship is where we find the same kind of opportunity for Gratitude and Growth. But we must remove our own energy from the energy of the poisonous interaction, and change it, in order to release the ties that bind.

Remember, we are all Worthy of Loving and Healthy relationships. Wherever you find yourself in your relationships today, please Remember that you are so very Beautiful, Worthy, and Loved.

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

Empathy and Ubuntu ~ a Philosophy for a New Humanity

Ubuntu-Empathy-the-New-Paradigm-for-HumanityBy Jennifer Deisher

Contributing Writer for Wake Up World

Here we are on our beautiful blue green planet, travelling through time and space, hurtling toward infinity. Whether we realize it or not, we are united by our humanity.

As we each begin to flow into our spiritual journey, we become aware of a consciousness beyond our rational 3D comprehension. We begin to question everything we think we know about life and reality. We de-construct the illusions around us, and come to a new understanding of our place in the universe and beyond. And this new awareness is both liberating and extremely confronting, all at the same time.

Perhaps things are not quite what they seem.

The Hierarchy of Needs

We can understand our most basic human needs, and also our higher spiritual needs, through the psychological tool known as Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs [i]. The bottom of the triangle represents our most basic physiological needs and the top represents our own Self-actualization or Self-awareness (which, not surprisingly, is represented by the “all-seeing eye” at the top of the proverbial pyramid.

A common belief is that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, and that our full potential is realized through the practices of love and empathy, and the Ubuntu philosophy. And that’s true! But we can’t ever forget that we are also human too. We have simple biological and emotional needs – such as food, water, and a sense of safety – that must be met in order for our very survival, and although there are a handful of spiritual ‘leaders’ in history who were synonymous with fasting and poverty, for most of us, we can’t even begin to understand our potential for Self-actualization or Ascension until those basic needs are met.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

So as messengers of a new paradigm, our challenge is not just to focus on the development of ‘higher’ personal aspects such as creativity, self-esteem and self-love, but to embrace and support those whose basic (and therefore spiritual) needs are not fulfilled, and help them create the sense of security and belonging they need as stepping stones to self-actualization.

Rainbow Day of Love

My friend, Deb Augenbaugh, decided to do just that when she recently started the non-profit organization Rainbow Day of Love to help feed the homeless population in her home town of Denver, Colorado. My husband, Aaron, and I had the honor of volunteering with her start-up organization this summer, and what we learned was a real lesson on our spiritual journey.

We came out on a Sunday morning to serve breakfast and as soon as breakfast was finished the group immediately formed another line for the next meal. Lesson #1: The sense of insecurity associated with unfulfilled physiological needs is ever-present, and does not go away with just one full belly. The tragedy of this situation is that these peoples’ lives are being spent trying to provide for their most basic physiological needs – quite symbolically, at the very bottom of the pyramid. In other words, they spend the whole day meeting the physiological needs of food, water, and shelter, while the rest of us take such necessities for granted and, as a society, waste the very resources these people so desperately need access to.

That Sunday morning, we struck up a chat with some people after breakfast and heard so many personal stories – war veterans, parents, college graduates – all who have experienced great hardship but are still living to tell their stories. Lesson #2: Survival instincts are hard-wired into our biology, including own need for safety. We each share the same primal instinct to live, and it’s a most natural response to do what we need to do in challenging circumstances in order to meet our most basic physiological needs. And although we may at one time be surrounded by friendship, safety and self-confidence in our lives, our physiological and safety needs that begin to go unfulfilled (whatever the circumstances) directly impact our sense of self and belonging.

Lesson #3: When we let people know that they are valued with something as simple as as smile or a hug or a question, the uplifting affect that loving connection has on their life-force (and yours) is both visible and immediate, sending ripples out into conscious universe.

A Collective Problem

As spiritual messengers and spiritual beings, we cannot speak of empathy if we are seemingly at a level of Self-actualization looking “down” at the reality of others, and dismissing their difficult experience as “creating their own reality”. But in truth, this limited perception is not based on reason or actual experience. We are ALL creating our own reality – and that creation includes a social hierarchy which is competitive by design, and therefore exclusive (to some) by result. If we – humanity – are to ascend to a new way of living, the only way to do that is TOGETHER. And yet our collective tendency is ignore their situation, and in big cities, even step over them in the street. We look to governments to “solve the unemployment problem”, which is an inherent part of our economic structure, and moan about the takers from the “welfare state”.

Not exactly conducive to a sense of safety and belonging, is it?

In reality, the majority of people living in poverty are – like the rest of us – incredibly intelligent, talented, creative and often educated people who have contributed to society, and who today are forced to use their talents and creativity just to sustain life; to survive. And that’s part of the “tragedy” – with basic needs met, their intelligence and creativity could be an amazing asset to our society! But while our society’s focus remains competitive not communal, a sense of belonging and self-realization takes a back-seat to the necessities of life for many people, and our spiritual life-force continues to vibrate on “survival” mode. While people are held by poverty at this base level of awareness, there is little room in their reality for other forms of safety, love, esteem, or self-actualization.

As enlightened beings, we have to be willing to see through the rationalizations of “the homeless problem” and our fears and misconceptions of “the homeless”, and begin to see that they too are spiritual beings who are desperately in need of our love, understanding and support.

The Empathy Card

Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Science is finally beginning to understand what many of us have always known; that we humans are soft wired with empathy [ii]. It’s in our genetics. When we say “soft wired” it means that it isn’t a reflex like a knee jerk or a flight-fight response, rather it’s up to us to consciously exercise and utilize our empathy ‘muscle’ so we can gain a better understanding of our collective journey.

The second of the Seven Universal Laws, the immutable Law of Correspondence, tells us “As above, so below; as below, so above”. [iii] This means that we have an individual journey and a collective journey, and they are interconnected and correspond with one another in infinite synchronicity; that our outer world reflects to us our inner world; that what we choose within, we choose without.

Will you choose empathy and compassion? Or judgment and inaction?

We cannot consider ourselves a compassionate, intelligent, creative race of people until we change our relationship with homelessness and poverty in our society, and on our planet. There is certainly plenty to go around. According to http://www.worldhunger.org [iv]

The world produces enough food to feed everyone. World agriculture produces 17 percent more calories per person today than it did 30 years ago, despite a 70 percent population increase. This is enough to provide everyone in the world with at least 2,720 kilocalories (kcal) per person per day  according to the most recent estimate that we could find (FAO 2002, p.9). The principal problem is that many people in the world do not have sufficient land to grow, or income to purchase, enough food.

Harmful economic systems are the principal cause of poverty and hunger… Essentially control over resources and income is based on military, political and economic power that typically ends up in the hands of a minority, who live well, while those at the bottom barely survive, if they do.

As we confront the reality of increasingly harmful economic systems and government priorities, the social and spiritual inequity embedded in our social systems can seem near-impossible to overcome.

But it isn’t.

Real, lasting social change begins as an impossible creative spark in our hearts and minds, and manifests in our society from the ground up.

not-yet

Don’t Believe It’s Possible?

For those who believe homelessness is an unsolvable inevitability, take note. Since 2005, Utah has reduced homelessness by 74 percent and is on-track to end homelessness by 2015. [v]

How did they do this? Simple. They gave homeless people homes.

Why? Because it makes good sense, even in our competitive economy-driven society.

The obvious benefit is that, by satisfying the physiological and safety needs of marginalized people, they can begin to focus on ‘higher’ needs and rebuild their sense of esteem and belonging. But from a purely economic standpoint, providing permanent housing for the homeless is not only more humane than our system of competition and criminalization – it’s cheaper. [vi]

Utah policy makers realized that the annual cost of hospital and prison stays for homeless people was around $16,670 per person, compared to $11,000 annually to provide each homeless person with an apartment and a social worker. So the state of Utah addressed the basis of homelessness by giving away apartments, and assigning case-workers, as part of the state’s new Housing First program. As a result, Utah is saving money overall, while allowing all residence access to shelter and safety, a place from which other needs can begin to be met.

So far, the program has proven so successful that other states are modelling future programs on Utah’s success… and all it took was some clear, creative and compassionate thinking.

The Essence of Ubuntu

Ubuntu is a philosophy originating in Southern African that means literally “human-ness” or “humanity”. The term is used to represent a humanist philosophy or ideology, known as Ubuntuism, which is based on the universal bond of sharing that connects all of humanity. In our society, which institutionalizes competition instead of co-operation, this idea can seem like quite a paradigm shift. But Ubuntu is more than just a lovely idea, it is the communal foundation on which many cultures are built, ensuring the base needs of all individuals are met and freeing them up to pursue ‘higher’ needs of creativity, problem solving and self-realization.

As consciously evolving beings, we understand that we lift ourselves by lifting others, and that we can’t begin to uplift our world and our planet if we are personally unwilling to empathize with and empower the people who are most marginalized, and whose connection to Self and Source is most hampered by circumstance. When we add the Ubuntu philosophy into the mix, along with our pyramid of needs, we see the much bigger picture. It is about more than just empathy from afar. Instead of just looking at our reality from our individual, albeit empathetic perspective, we must acknowledge our connectedness – that “I am because we are” – and be guided by that knowledge into actions that reflect it back to us. “As above, so below”.

I came across this quote from Shakespeare the other day which says it perfectly: “Fatigue makes cowards of us all”.

We have been riding this wave of ascension for some time now, shining light into the shadows… and many of us are tired. But now isn’t the time to rest. Our collective awareness is expanding, and momentum is gathering.

When you feel that fatigue, look for motivation to those living lives of poverty and uncertainty, whose entire being revolves around providing their most basic needs for survival – and consider the kind of fatigue that comes with that. When you feel that tired feeling that all “conscious warriors” feel at one time or another, remember that “I am because we are”… remember the power you have to generate positive ripples of change, starting with your immediate world… remember that the spiritual ascension of humanity is a collective process… and remember that we don’t just begin to heal others through altruism, we begin to heal our society as well as those pieces of our Self that are asking to be seen through our mirror of experience.

Then, from this compassionate and open place, we can begin to find new ways to fulfill, uplift, and inspire one another – to “enlighten” each other in the truest sense. We can begin to hear each other and meet each other’s gaze, get to know what makes each other tick. We can begin to fulfill each other’s most basic, fundamental, physiological needs, and ultimately overcome the unnecessary suffering of poverty and homelessness – without waiting for our failing, unprincipled governments to do it for us.

So, next time your paths cross with a brother or sister in need, it may be time to see if you can get to know them a little better, and see what makes them tick. Homeless people don’t need our advice on how to get a job; they need food and safety, and a connection to others – the very first steps toward self-realization. But more importantly, they (and we) need a new social system; one that reflects our human oneness and better serves and reflects our commUnity. And in creating that new social model, the perspective of those homeless and disenfranchised people who live on the edges of our current system is invaluable.

We all have a very significant role to play in the conscious evolution of our planet. We have the capacity to break the pattern of our “reality” as we know it, and leave a legacy of love and inclusion for our children, and their children. But first, we must change the way humanity feels about itself, and to do that, we must be able to look ourselves in the mirror and see our shared humanity reflected back at us.

References:

[i] ‘Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs’ is a theory proposed by psychologist Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation“.

[ii] Ted Talks: “Jeremy Rifkin on the Empathic Civilization

[iii] Tania Kotsos: “The Seven Universal Laws Explained

[iv] http://www.worldhunger.org: “World Hunger Facts

[v] http://www.nationswell.com: “Utah Is on Track to End Homelessness by 2015 With This One Simple Idea

[vi] “Homes Not Handcuffs: The Criminalization of Homelessness in U.S. Cities” – a Report by The National Law Center on Homelessness & Poverty and The National Coalition for the Homeless

 

This article adapted for Wake Up World by Andy Whiteley.

Basketweaving 101~ Weaving Happiness into our Vibration

basketweaving

Happiness is a factor of Life and one well worth striving for.  It’s a necessary component for us to completely embark on a spiritual path.  Our heart, soul, and spirit don’t live in the energy of “not good enough”, or where there isn’t enough time, or in our negative energy.  Let’s face it, some of us have had our fair share of addiction, trauma, and tragedy.  Those who have experienced some of the more “hard core” issues, or are currently working through them, may find that sometimes we have to work a little harder to find our Joy.

Many of us have experienced the fallout of what we sometimes call “the matrix”.  I prefer to think of it as limited patterns of controlling behavior which constricts our true power as creators because we think we have a limited amount of choices.  What we forget sometimes is that we actually have to learn or re-learn how to be Happy.  Many people are experiencing spiritual awakening or are in a deep emotional process of acceptance and release, or both.  The key is realizing that it doesn’t all just happen overnight.  We (typically) don’t just wake up to a massive pot of gold at the end of a rainbow one sunny morning, especially if we’ve had trauma, abuse, or addiction in our past.  Basically, happiness is a more natural state of being.  But, when we learn “misery” and limitation in its place, it also makes sense that we may have to learn how to be happy again.  To go even further, we may have to learn how to be happy for the very first time…ever!

Our fears, traumas, abuse, and addictions leave us feeling pretty crappy – it’s true.  It’s not necessarily something we embrace in the spiritual community of “love and light” but it doesn’t make the emotion any less real.  Sometimes the crappy feeling takes over our mind and body to such an extent that it takes great heart and soul effort to overcome them in an emotionally healthy way.  We all have (what we’ll call) “baskets” that we use for our emotions but this can also be detrimental to our recovery if we have one basket in which we place all of our emotions.  For example, if someone has an addiction which has had a very negative effect on their life, they may have an emotional basket labeled “addiction”.  Even when the person has freed themselves from their addiction they continue to carry around the addiction basket.  The anonymous programming of organizations like AA encourage people to carry this addiction basket around with them every day and it then becomes a foundation for all of the emotional baggage in life.  That means that whenever something feels off or wrong in life we can always put it in the “addiction” basket even though “what’s wrong” may have nothing to do with the addiction.  One day we wake up and find that we have chronically created a scapegoat for all that is wrong in our world and we’ve managed to fit it into one (very limited) “basket”.  The basket could be an abusive parent, an untrustworthy relationship, a deep seated fear, or even a financial “issue”.  From there, we tend to take everything we view as being “wrong” and put it into our trauma basket thereby giving our power away to our perception of this one issue as we continue to let it control our lives via our “negative” (uncomfortable) emotions.

d0d04af17343092ca6a5e4a9d15a4ac5Once we have created a basket for our negative experiences, it becomes a habitual pattern to continue to pile more negative experiences into our trauma basket.  What we sometimes fail to understand is that when we are constantly in a place of re-living our negative experiences we are also, however inadvertently, creating more negative experiences.  From here, it gets a little more difficult to find acceptance until we lay down our basket or weave a new one.  It helps to recognize that happiness is actually a learned behavior.  If we’ve been taught in some way to be miserable we can also learn how to be happy instead.  First of all, the fears, traumas, addiction, abandonment, etc. will still be there for a “minute” – regardless of whether or not we choose to focus on it.  It’s a part of our life experience so it never fully “leaves” us but our perception of it, the emotions around it, and whether or not we chose to let it define us can change, will change… if we allow it.  When we’re in the process of Healing from our afflictions, we are really coming to a place of learning to validate and appreciate those feelings which sees us not able to run away from them.  We actually have to allow ourselves to grieve in a healthy way but the emotions may cause us to have looping thoughts that revolve around our basket of misery.  This is when neuroplasticity or changing our mental focus plays a great role in overcoming traumatic experiences in order to Heal.  In these situations we have to learn to focus on our mental focus and find a way to weave happy, loving, blissful experiences into our basket at the same time.  Sometimes we find ourselves having to reach for these Happy experiences because we may not have very many of them or we forgot how it feels to be in a peaceful emotional place.  However, if we focus on happy experiences (past, present, or future) it takes us away from the tunnel vision of solely focusing on the trauma.

When we re-live our negative, addictive, traumatic experiences over and over again we have a harder time “snapping out of it” so to speak.  That’s not to say the issues aren’t real but we also have to focus on more positive experiences first before we begin to see them manifest into our physical reality.  At the same time, when we’re so deeply focused on the trauma we may not see any positivity in our lives even though it may be there in force.  What that ultimately comes down to is what we choose to focus on, our perspective, and whether we’re placing emphasis on a loving, positive, happy perspective or we place our spotlight on the fear, anxiety, and tragedy of the trauma.  This is the part we have to “work” at because our patterned emotions also want to remain, almost like its own “parasitic” energy.  It (truly) takes work to re-train our mental focus, especially when we are uncomfortable in our mind, body, and spirit.  This is where neuroplasticity comes in or “focus on our mental focus”.

60526c9a725effaf3c418ed87a24fc30In my article, Quantum Mechanics of the Soul, I wrote about behavioral patterns and how our awareness of our own patterns changes how we interact with them.  This means that just by being aware of our trauma basket we can begin to change how it affects us.   Therefore, our conscious awareness of the “problem” shows the Universe our intention of Healing from said “problem” which is the first step in the process, recognition.  From here we can begin to consciously interact with the emotions which is when we can shake them out and put them back again in a more positive way.  We’ve also determined that some of us have to “work” a little harder to find those happy, lighter, more loving emotions.  And, that’s okay – actually VERY normal when we are in “distress”!  A great way focus on our mental focus is an exercise I call “Emotional Imagination”.  We’re quite used to hearing that “thoughts create things” and that’s true….to an extent.  The real key to creating with the Law of Attraction is using our Emotional Imagination.  This is when we’re planning our Happiness in the form of a dream vacation, a purposeful job, a prosperous future, a loving relationship, our kid’s gifted accomplishments, a healthy support system, good weather, the perfect friendship, making a mind/body connection, and on and on we go.  As we Emotionally Imagine these memories it’s like a wave of Happiness washing up on our beach of “misery”.  Emotional Imagination is emotionally focusing on how we want to Feel instead of focusing on the “crappy” feeling, but it’s also really Allowing ourselves the opportunity to Feel Good.  The wave loosens the little, irritating grains of sand (what I call “ninja demons”) and it’s up to us to re-integrate these grains of sand on our beach as we let go of the “shock and awe” around our negative experience and embrace our Happiness in its wake. We’re creating the most beautiful sea glass, loosening and smoothing our sharp, jagged traumas until we are no longer giving them our energy….AT ALL!  And, we get to go to the most Amazing places while we weave a new basket into a new reality and a new (trauma-free) Life.

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

OM Times – August Edition

 

Check out my article “Learning from the Shadow Within” featured on the cover of OM Times Magazine with Erich von Däniken.  Very Exciting! http://www.editions.omtimes.com/magazine/2014-08-b/index.html

The article is on page 94 or here is a direct link: Into the Deep – Learning from the Shadow Within

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

 

 

OM Times Magazine – July 2014

Check out my article “Releasing Toxic Relationships” featured on the cover of the July 2014 issue of OM Times Magazine:

http://www.editions.omtimes.com/magazine/2014-07-a/index.html

http://omtimes.com/2014/07/releasing-toxic-relationships/

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!