Morbid Affection: The Psychology of Narcopathy

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Psychology is the study of the mental aspects of the psyche and is relevant to achieving all aspects of clarity. The psyche is the whole of the human soul, mind and spirit. The mind is a very powerful aspect of the whole and the last place we “think” to look for spiritual and/or emotional keys when it comes to actualizing self-love. Love starts from within and if we don’t learn what love is, and isn’t, we tend to go forward learning very hard lessons along the road in life. Sometimes we learn love as an upside-down concept that urges us to look outside of ourselves to identify love, esteem and answers that come from withIN. We must be willing to listen and accept ourselves as we are in order to realize change, especially when we don’t like what we find. This is why they say “judge not lest ye be judged” because it is always a dual reflection.

Pathy is a Greek word which denotes feeling into certain areas of the psyche; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. [i] This is also a way of “feeling into” our own dis-order or dis-ease, especially as we clear the mental plane of understanding why we behave the way we do toward self and others. These feelings can be good or bad. When our being is imbalanced in any area, we can look at a “pathy” as a form of “morbid affection”. Narcopathy would then mean “morbid affection of self and others”, even if it presents itself as apathy, lethargy or feeling numb to specific feelings or emotion. A person who can hurt someone and not feel any remorse is disconnected from their own psyche in some way. As everything starts from within and radiates outward, we have to be able to mindfully tell the difference between unconditional love and morbid affection. Morbid affection is the dis-ease that is infecting the root of our proverbial family tree, both individually and collectively. It is the opposite of love. It is self-loathing, grandiose admiration of oneself and/or apathy; a serious problem because most people who think and feel this way tend to show it in a way that is harmful to the self and/or speaks of loathing others. It is intolerance, cynicism, condescension and even hate posing as love; we have to learn to tell the difference if we are to self-evolve.

We all have a “god spark” but that doesn’t mean we know how to connect with it and use it for good and healing. This perpetuated concept of love posed as something more insidious and deceitful is worth “thinking” about from a psychological aspect. Keep in mind, it can also be highly psyche shattering when we find moments of self-realization that include love posing as something very different indeed. Especially as we see how we’ve carried these imbalanced patterns forward into the world in “looking for love in all the wrong places”.

The Compartmentalization of Eve

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Sane and feeling people have a really hard time truly understanding the nature of “evil”, power, greed or lack of empathy; every aspect of “narcopathy” is relevant to our collective ‘ascension’. It’s also why we have a hard time seeing those qualities in ourselves. We want to see the best in other people just as we hope they will see the best in us. There is nothing wrong with this concept if we lived in a self-actualized society where we are all aligned with the proper energy of love and not fear. The problem is not in looking for the good in others, the problem is in understanding that maybe it just isn’t there; even if it means it just doesn’t exist in a relationship, the workplace, as a parent or with an establishment(s) and/or institution. Specifically, we are talking about inherently dysfunctional patterns of behavior that feed the illusion of another’s self-interests; the illusion we’re trying to free ourselves from in the first place. Psychological hooks in the psyche that pose as emotional triggers to incite unhealthy emotional reactions from self and others. A parent who blames a child for their own inadequacies; blaming a partner for your own lack of intimacy; practicing psychological abuse or manipulation (the topic in focus); bullying another or standing by watching another be bullied while saying nothing, effectively enabling the abuser; engaging in reckless, careless and erratic emotional behavior; luring others into oppression or oppressive behavior; engaging in terrorism or war, directly or by proxy;  committing ecocide, homicide or genocide; . There are too many areas of “dysfunction” in our collective consciousness, we can only focus on healing our own if we want to truly be the change we wish to see in the world.

The mind is a brilliant tool and weapon, it protects us from ourselves and others when we are compromised. It protects us from our true self if we refuse to see our “flaws”. It’s the discombobulated feeling we get when we know we have emotional connections to make in order to transcend the mirror of the mental plane. The source of ALL truth is in realizing we all have certain areas in life where we play the unfortunate antagonist, especially as it relates to the self; the micro affects the macro. No one gets a “free pass” in this way. This is what we mean when we say “the nature of duality” as it relates to healing self and others. We cannot heal something that bothers us if we can’t even see that we are allowing or actualizing our own abusive behavior toward self and others.

We can be good people but still be a lousy in one (or more) of our compartments because it’s how we tend to “justify” behavior that we don’t want to participate in but do, for whatever reason. We can be a good employer but a terrible parent. A good family (wo)man who makes destructive and detrimental political decisions on behalf of the collective. A successful person with unhealthy attachments. Talking but not doing. You can put on a brave face to the world and then practice “self-loathing” at home. Addiction, obsessive behavior, anger, alienating the people you say you care about, not doing the right thing when you know the right thing to do, lack of humility and atonement, self-deprivation and so much more. This is what it means when they say “you can’t love anyone until you love yourself”.

In fact, there is a very metaphoric meaning to the biblical story of The Tree of Life, Eve and the snake in the garden. If someone can’t come into your sacred space without waking the snake, the intuition and emotional triggers that come when your tree shakes knowing you should be on alert, than maybe it’s a telltale sign to stop allowing them to poison the fruit of your proverbial tree? On the dual side of this epiphany is if everyone rattles the snake, it may be a sign of practicing an unhealthy form of love by thinking you don’t need connections and healthy relationships in life. The balance is when we realize that Eve didn’t allow the snake into the garden, the snake was the protector of the garden all along.

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The idea that there is no more growth and learning to be done is a desperate form of ignorance; ignoring the nuances as a way of holding onto an illusion. There are many temptations that lead to this practice of psychic deception, the mind attempting to deceive the psyche into believing it is acting sane and rationally. It requires humility and surrender to admit we don’t have all the answers, especially when the illusion cracks and we reach a choice point of continuing into delusion or deciding to seek clarity and Healing. Sometimes the mind doesn’t want to accept the potential of the heart and soul, change can be extremely painful when we are feeling through the e-motion of sorrow or fear. The ability to connect our true feelings with our true mental state is a milestone indeed. If this journey of attachment and detachment proves debilitating, it’s usually because we aren’t allowing ourselves to focus on it some way. We are most likely still confined in the consciousness that created the problem in the first place.

When we throw ourselves out there in a million different directions looking for answers, we can’t be surprised when we feel overwhelmed and don’t know which “lead” to follow. This is when we can become desperate and begin to suffer enormously in an energetic capacity. It is truly self-healing when we allow our intuition to lead us to the answers. We aren’t participating in our own healing when we refuse to listen to, and be mindful of, the ONE true voice that really matters. The voice of our own Truth; no matter how self-loathing it may be. It’s important to ask our divinity to work through us to achieve the highest outcome for all involved as we embark on this precarious process. The “crucifixion” is a process of standing before your own Divinity stripped of all titles, roles and labels that are used to compartmentalize the experiences we are having. The “Tribulation” is when we see our own tragic behavior and the wake of damage it left behind. This is when the abused becomes the abuser; what have we taken on and been stained with in our individual and collective journey?

We can’t heal if we’re running away from the only things that truly matter; the ground beneath our feet, the self, the family, the focus it takes to focus. We slow down. We re-think the illusion that just because we seemingly “have it all” doesn’t mean we don’t have to practice all aspects of health to maintain our own well-being; including the mirror of our own psyches. We stop abandoning ourselves on our spiritual journey because we don’t like what we “see”. The practice of “Dharma” in Buddhism is the practice of recognizing, balancing and protecting ourselves from fear. A practice of Self-Compassion, Mindfulness and “mirror therapy” may be helpful in actualizing self-love. It forces the mind to slow down, recognize and receive what the universe is trying to teach it, through the self and the entire psyche; within and without.  Are you really listening?

[i] http://www.dictionary.com/browse/-pathy

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

Safety First ~ Ending & Grieving an Abusive Relationship

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Grief is a most unpopular yet relevant topic of discussion. Maybe that’s why society has a hard time honoring the process, especially when it comes to complicated grief as it pertains to abuse. No one ever tells you to prepare for grief as you would prepare for the convergence of a hurricane. Sometimes grief shows up unexpectedly in any number of ways; like the angel of death on a beautiful October day at the end of a Hawaiian vacation. Ideally, we know grief is coming in some way and have the foresight to make room in our lives for the storm. Specifically, preparing to end or ending an abusive relationship is tricky. In these situations, the victim may feel powerless but preparation allows the edge required to move forward and get back to the joy of living life to its fullest potential.

The process of grief is ultimately about coming to a place of acceptance. There are many milestones along the path where pieces of acceptance come. It won’t come all at once or the way we like it. It is about acceptance, after all. If it were easy, we wouldn’t have to take a journey to get there. So, as with any trip, we prepare accordingly. Grief is a trip, sometimes even reaching psychedelic proportions. The more we resist it, the more it will let us know we’re still trippin’. But, we can map out a plan of action where we consider our options and gather the tools we need to prepare our emotional, spiritual, mental and physical house for the storm to come.

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Grief is like giving birth in reverse.  Instead of new life, we find life leaving us. We don’t want just anyone peering in on our anger and pain when we’re suffering just as we don’t want just anyone watching us in the primal act of sex or childbirth. These are very trying times in being forced to confront the most deep-rooted vulnerabilities as we learn to trust again. If you’re”here”, it’s because trust has been broken somewhere along the way on the deepest level of your spirit; you, or someone you love, is in an abusive relationship. At the very least, you have been spiritually violated and it mostly likely doesn’t stop there but ripples out to the physical, mental and emotional. Accepting this is a milestone.  This is our higher self telling us we can no longer sustain the way we have been.  This is when most of the tools in your toolbox will stop working.  Finding a way to exist outside of the abusive relationship is imperative.

Separating isn’t easy.  A child leaving home.  A lucrative business arrangement gone sour.  A parent who moves from the physical world.  Losing a home in a devastating flood while the world looks the other way. All of these things are grievous. Equally or not, when we separate from an abusive relationship, it is the biggest emotional storm imaginable…our own. If someone is abusing you and then tells you they didn’t do anything “wrong” or they “can’t help it”; believe them because they are telling you they are going to continue. This is a milestone of acceptance. The next step is creating separation. This is an ideal time to find a midwife; even if that midwife is buying some time off work, finding a healer and/or moving to shelter. As in any “survival” scenario, to move is to live; You must find higher ground. When we feel violated in a relationship and only one person is willing to change or admit there’s a problem; we find ourselves getting lost in the hope things will eventually get better. When an abusive person either can’t or won’t get help, we must take charge in order to obtain, maintain and protect our dignity as we allow grief to part the waters of change. We can never allow these things to ensue if we don’t have safe haven. When it all ends, what we seek is what we find; the truth. The ending provides the perfect opportunity to see the true colors in the relationship. Threatening to leave and actually leaving are 2 different things so keep in mind, it will get worse before it gets better. If the situation is physical or sexual, trying to leave before finding safety is dangerous because this is a breeding ground for violence. In the case of emotional, verbal or mental abuse; we have to create a safe space of “no contact” with the abuser. The fear of things getting worse will paralyze the victim like a venomous animal paralyzing its prey for a meal. Find sanctuary. When you have found separation from the abuse, this is a milestone.

After separating from the situation, clarity starts to sink in forcing an assessment of the emotional and psychological injuries that were sustained in the relationship. Triage. This is when the addiction sets in and you may start missing them, or think you do. What’s missing is the idea of the relationship as the illusion it is. It’s not crazy or insane to manufacture a more ideal reality as the feelings are very real but encourage us to believe the other person is equally suffering in our absence.  E-motion is a verb meaning to move emotional energy, emotion is necessary to get to the truth.  The feelings, the intuition and gut feeling of truth, is underneath the illusion that this is a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships are not abusive or one-sided. Love is not being chronically and consistently scared, tense, edgy, unhappy, neglected or so much worse.

This is a dynamic relationship so the provocateur is most likely experiencing the equivalent of a scratch while you are absorbing the brunt of the damage like the cherry on top of an already fragile psyche. This moment of realization can be overwhelming and isolating.  This is when you need to know you’re not alone, have your team standing by and allow yourself to reach out accordingly. The next moments will be tumultuous as you fight the urge to go back; bargaining for the illusion to be true and not the other way around. When the glass house of the illusion is shattered, everything is upside-down in the rabbit hole. This is when the earth shakes. To top it off; you may realize you feel “victimized” while the instigator is using emotional triggers as niceties, storming the castle with rage, screaming in anguish, calling you crazy or riding off in the sunset of alienation depending on the pattern of abuse.

You are addicted to this relationship too.   The body releases hormones at each stage of the roller coaster ride – the high of coming together, the stress of the slow demise, the whiplash  of devaluation and finally the pain when you find yourself discarded with less energy than it takes to pay a bill.  That’s why it feels so good in hoping, goes south in anger when it starts deteriorating, turns to agony when it’s over.  Do you really want to go through this again?  This person, substance, entity or institution is not worth your life. You may not be consciously choosing this but there is a pattern of allowing it; even if this pattern goes back to childhood. It’s the pattern that needs to change, not you. Remember that. Love is why we come “here” in the first place and it’s the reward once you actualize your own Self-Love by not giving your energy away to those who don’t have your best interests at heart. Trust takes time to earn, you are worth the time it takes to earn trust. God, however you choose to define it, is asking this of you. Honor that. That’s what it means when people say “it’s them, not you” and it’s true. Accept this, it is painful but you are very close to getting your life back.

The pain is the hardest part.  I wish I could say that this kind of rejection is easy. This kind of rejection is different because of how damaging the relationship is/was.  You have been emotionally,psychologically, physically and spiritually effected. You probably feel crazy as you unravel the truth. Gaslighting is a term used in psychology because it’s real and damaging; the instigator tries to change your reality by insisting they didn’t do or say the things they did and said. This makes you doubt your own sanity while you don’t even know you’re doubting your own sanity. You’re still trippin’! It’s okay because you’re safe. You feel as if the pain will never end but this is also the convergence. In order to release these things we have to allow them to pass through us. You have the tools. You are actualizing Self-Love and have a safe place to give birth to your pain. The midwife is nurturing and brings soul food. They hold onto you in the moments the pain sets in so you can remember the light on the other side. The pain is a milestone but you can also get lost here. Make sure the midwife knows this. Allow the pain and anger to pass through because this is the storm you’ve been preparing for all this time, the entirety of your life up to this moment. Find a safe place to exorcise and exercise your anger because you will be pissed off and want to let them know about it.  This is not conducive to your recovery.  Find another way.  Those ways are infinite.

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Make a home with your Mother, the Earth. She is waiting to heal you. Be Grateful. You may not know how to receive Her. It’s okay. Humility is a milestone. Accept it, it’s Beautiful. Will you honor your abuser as if she/he were yourself by admitting that they have also suffered in this dis-ease? Can you forgive, even if the only way you can do it is letting go and away from this person? Are you willing to receive the path that waits before you, even if it’s unfamiliar? Will you go back because it’s easier than facing the unknown? Can you answer these questions within yourself honestly or do you need help receiving your truth? Will you commit to your Healing? Do you remember the ancient ways? Are you willing to receive a Spiritual Awakening into your life?

You shouldn’t have to fight for your Divine Inheritance, in a relationship or in the world, but you did. You are a mighty warrior. Look how far you’ve come. Sometimes it really is better to be seemingly alone rather than subject our Sacred selves to this kind of nonsense. Accept this. You have been granted an opportunity to Love again. You hold the staff of Life in your hands and are prepared to spread your message of Faith and Healing. There is someone out there who needs to hear your story. It is your Divine destiny to walk this path with another as someone has walked this path with you. Go forth with Compassion and banish abuse from the vocabulary of Emotional Intelligence. This is your Purpose and you are important to someone else’s journey. This is the last milestone if you choose to Accept it. You are a powerful Healer and will Heal many more. Thank you for your service.

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.