Safety First: Ending and Grieving an Abusive Relationship

https://wakeup-world.com/2018/10/10/safety-first-ending-and-grieving-an-abusive-relationship/

 

October 10th, 2018

By Jennifer Deisher

Contributing writer for Wake Up World

Emotional abuse may not be as easy to recognize as physical abuse, but it can be even more damaging. It affects you emotionally, psychologically, physically and spiritually — and it makes you feel crazy as you unravel the truth.

Grief is a most unpopular yet vital topic of discussion. Maybe our tendency to shy away from facing grief openly is why society has a hard time honoring the process, especially when it comes to complicated grief. No one ever tells you to prepare for grief as you would prepare for the convergence of a hurricane. And sometimes grief shows up unexpectedly in any number of ways; like the angel of death on a beautiful October day at the end of a Hawaiian vacation. Ideally, we know grief is coming in some way and have the foresight to make room in our lives for the storm, such as preparing for the death of an elderly family member or — importantly — leaving an abusive relationship.

As it pertains to abuse, preparing to end or ending an abusive relationship is tricky. In these situations, you may feel powerless but proper preparation allows you the edge required to move forward and get back to the joy of living life to its fullest potential.

The process of grief is ultimately about coming to a place of acceptance. There are many milestones along the path where pieces of acceptance come. It won’t come all at once or the way we like it. It is about acceptance, after all. If it were easy, we wouldn’t have to take a journey to get there. So, as with any trip, we prepare accordingly. Grief is a trip, sometimes even reaching psychedelic proportions. The more we resist it, the more it will let us know we’re still trippin’. But, we can map out a plan of action where we consider our options and gather the tools we need to prepare our emotional, spiritual, mental and physical house for the storm to come.

Grief is like giving birth in reverse. Instead of new life, we find life leaving us. We don’t want just anyone peering in on our anger and pain when we’re suffering just as we don’t want just anyone watching us in the primal act of sex or childbirth. These are very trying times in being forced to confront the most deep-rooted vulnerabilities as we learn to trust again. If you’re”here”, it’s because trust has been broken somewhere along the way on the deepest level of your spirit; you, or someone you love, is in an abusive relationship. At the very least, you have been spiritually violated and it mostly likely doesn’t stop there but ripples out to the physical, mental and emotional. Accepting this is a milestone. This is our higher self telling us we can no longer sustain the way we have been. This is when most of the tools in your toolbox will stop working. Finding a way to exist outside of the abusive relationship is imperative.

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Separating isn’t easy. A child leaving home. A lucrative business arrangement gone sour. A parent who moves from the physical world. Losing a home in a devastating flood while the world looks the other way. All of these things are grievous. Equally or not, when we separate from an abusive relationship, it is the biggest emotional storm imaginable… our own. If someone is abusing or mistreating you and then tells you they didn’t do anything “wrong” or they “can’t help it”, listen to them — because they are telling you they are going to continue. This is a milestone of acceptance. The next step is creating separation. This is an ideal time to find a midwife; even if that midwife is buying some time off work, finding a healer and/or moving to shelter. As in any “survival” scenario, to move is to live; You must find higher ground. When we feel violated in a relationship and only one person is willing to change or admit there’s a problem; we find ourselves getting lost in the hope things will eventually get better. When an abusive person either can’t or won’t get help, we must take charge in order to obtain, maintain and protect our dignity as we allow grief to part the waters of change. We can never allow these things to ensue if we don’t have safe haven. When it all ends, what we seek is what we find; the truth. The ending provides the perfect opportunity to see the true colors in the relationship. Threatening to leave and actually leaving are two different things so keep in mind, it will get worse before it gets better. If the situation is physical or sexual, trying to leave before finding safety is dangerous because this is a breeding ground for violence. In the case of emotional, verbal or mental abuse; we have to create a safe space of “no contact” with the abuser, otherwise, the fear of things getting worse will paralyze you like a venomous animal paralyzing its prey for a meal. Find sanctuary. When you have found separation from the abuse, this is a milestone.

After separating from the situation, clarity starts to sink in forcing an assessment of the emotional and psychological injuries that were sustained in the relationship. Triage. This is when the addiction sets in and you may start missing them, or think you do. What’s missing is the idea of the relationship as the illusion it is. It’s not crazy or insane to manufacture a more ideal reality as the feelings are very real but encourage us to believe the other person is equally suffering in our absence. E-motion is a verb meaning to move emotional energy, emotion is necessary to get to the truth. The feelings, the intuition and gut feeling of truth, is underneath the illusion that this is a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships are not abusive or one-sided. Love is not being chronically and consistently scared, tense, edgy, unhappy, neglected or so much worse.

This is a dynamic relationship so the provocateur is most likely experiencing the equivalent of a scratch while you are absorbing the brunt of the damage like the cherry on top of an already fragile psyche. This moment of realization can be overwhelming and isolating. This is when you need to know you’re not alone, have your team standing by and allow yourself to reach out accordingly. The next moments will be tumultuous as you fight the urge to go back; bargaining for the illusion to be true and not the other way around. When the glass house of the illusion is shattered, everything is upside-down in the rabbit hole. This is when the earth shakes. To top it off; you may realize you feel “violated” while the instigator is using emotional triggers as niceties, storming the castle with rage, screaming in anguish, calling you crazy or riding off in the sunset of alienation — depending on the pattern of abuse.

You are addicted to this relationship, too. The body releases hormones at each stage of the roller coaster ride — the high of coming together, the stress of the slow demise, the whiplash of devaluation and finally, the pain when you find yourself discarded with less energy than it takes to pay a bill. That’s why it feels so good in hoping, goes south in anger when it starts deteriorating, and turns to agony when it’s over. Do you really want to go through this again? This person, substance, entity or institution is not worth your life. You may not be consciously choosing this but there is a pattern in your life of allowing it; even if this pattern goes back to childhood. It’s the pattern that needs to change, not you. Remember that. Love is why we come “here” in the first place and it’s the reward once you actualize your own Self-Love by not giving your energy away to those who don’t have your best interests at heart. Trust takes time to earn, you are worth the time it takes to earn trust. God, however you choose to define it, is asking this of you. Honor that. That’s what it means when people say “It’s them, not you” and it’s true. Accept this. It is painful, but you are very close to getting your life back.

The pain is the hardest part. I wish I could say that this kind of rejection is easy. This kind of rejection is different because of how damaging the relationship is/was. You have been emotionally, psychologically, physically and spiritually effected. You probably feel crazy as you unravel the truth. Gaslighting is a term used in psychology because it’s real and damaging; the instigator tries to change your reality by insisting they didn’t do or say the things they did and said. This makes you doubt your own sanity while you don’t even know you’re doubting your own sanity. You’re still trippin’! It’s okay because you’re safe. You feel as if the pain will never end but this is also the convergence. In order to release these things we have to allow them to pass through us. You have the tools. You are actualizing Self-Love and have a safe place to give birth to your pain. The midwife is nurturing and brings soul food. They hold onto you in the moments the pain sets in so you can remember the light on the other side. The pain is a milestone but you can also get lost here. Make sure the midwife knows this. Allow the pain and anger to pass through because this is the storm you’ve been preparing for all this time, the entirety of your life up to this moment. Find a safe place to exorcise and exercise your anger because you will be pissed off and want to let them know about it. This is not conducive to your recovery. Find another way. Those ways are infinite.

Make a home with your Mother, the Earth. She is waiting to heal you. Be Grateful. You may not know how to receive Her. It’s okay. Humility is a milestone. Accept it, it’s Beautiful. Will you honor your abuser as if she/he were yourself by admitting that they have also suffered in this dis-ease? Can you forgive, even if the only way you can do it is letting go and away from this person? Are you willing to receive the path that waits before you, even if it’s unfamiliar? Will you go back because it’s easier than facing the unknown? Can you answer these questions within yourself honestly or do you need help receiving your truth? Will you commit to your Healing? Do you remember the ancient ways of your soul and its journey? Are you willing to receive a Spiritual Awakening into your life?

You shouldn’t have to fight for your Divine Inheritance, either in a relationship or in the world, but you did. You are a mighty warrior. Look how far you’ve come. Sometimes it really is better to be seemingly alone rather than subject our Sacred selves to this kind of nonsense. Accept this. You have been granted an opportunity to Love again. You hold the staff of Life in your hands and are prepared to spread your message of Faith and Healing. There is someone out there who needs to hear your story. It is your Divine destiny to walk this path with another as someone has walked this path with you. Go forth with Compassion and help banish abuse from the vocabulary of Emotional Intelligence. This is your Purpose and you aren’t just important to yourself, you’re important to someone else’s awakening journey. This is the last milestone if you choose to Accept it. You are a powerful Healer and will Heal many more. Thank you for your service.

Recommended reading by Jennifer Deisher:

About the author:

Jennifer Deisher is the founder of BlueprintsForButterflies.com, a resource for the Spiritual Explorer. Jennifer is the writer of site’s Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several consciousness and healing sites, including Wake Up World and OM Times Magazine. She also manages Dakota Ridge Chiropractic in Littleton, Colorado.

The Science of Miracles

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The Universe is, by design, an intelligent Universe with math and physics being a key “language” to help us understand its laws and principles. The Universal Law of Attraction tells us that the Universe, being limitless, can’t differentiate the scope or magnitude of a miracle. A miracle is just as likely to be something regarded as small as it is grand by our own perceptions.

Let’s talk about how a miracle actually works, and why we should never put an expectation or limitation on the magnitude of our greatness, or what we can achieve when we “put our Hearts together”. The best way to explain how a miracle works is to use the theory of an atomic electron transition also known as a Quantum Leap.

An atomic electron transition is a change of an electron from one quantum state to another within an atom or artificial atom. It appears discontinuous in our reality as the electron “jumps” from one energy level to another in a few nanoseconds or less. It is also known as atomic transition, quantum jump, or quantum leap. [1] These Quantum Leaps occur when energy begins to vibrate at a higher rate thus “jumping” it to another frequency, taking it closer to the Source of the frequency of its new vibration.

The same is true for us as human beings in that we are made of molecules, atoms and energy, meaning that we also have our own individual and collective energetic frequency that is emitted into the Universe. The significance here is that we are also capable, on an individual and collective level, of making a Quantum Leap according to Universal Law and Physics 101. When we emotionally connect with the idea that “God” is energy and not some bearded “man” sitting in the sky in judgment, waiting for us to “die” in order to decide if we’ll go to Heaven or “hell”, we release ourselves from any fear surrounding the Unconditional Love of “God”.

The fact is, energy never dies and cannot be destroyed – it can only change form. The energy of “God” is Love and the closer we vibrate to that Source, the more we resonate with the frequency of “God”, Source or Love. This is why this state feels so natural and satisfying to our being. It is a state of pure Love, free from all judgment and ego. It can also be defined as benevolence, compassion, consciousness, generosity, a state of grace, or a sea of tranquility.

A Quantum Leap?

kush2As many are seeing the shifts happening around them and hoping for a miracle, in the form of a Quantum Leap, we can all take steps toward making such an event occur as it is physically possible for it to be so. As with the atoms and molecules, it must start within for it to manifest without – into our external reality. We must learn to follow the laws of the Universe by living in Harmony with the Earth and her resources. We must live in balance with one another and (all sentient beings) in equality, free from labels and separation.

There are many people on the planet right now who are living a heart-based life of Love, forgiveness, truth and balance. And as we continue to raise our vibration, it also raises the vibration of the collective. As we collectively raise our vibration back to that of Source energy, or unconditional Love, it also grows more uncomfortable for those who continue to stay in a dense, fearful vibration. As time goes on, those who are living without, or in a state of fear (war anyone?), anger, greed, lack or judgment, or who live with a victim mentality, will find it increasingly difficult – even painful – to stay in this lower, negative vibration.

Some people describe this as karma but it is more simply described as ’cause and effect’. Any emotion or action that is not grounded in Love will begin to manifest as something “negative” in our reality, sooner or later. But this is where Miracles are born. At this time, we are becoming more compassionate toward others, and courageous enough to stand in our truth. Only byshowing Love and understanding – and our truth – to those who are struggling with this shift in vibration can we ensure no-one is “left behind” – for their benefit, and our own, as a collective.

For more, please read: The Survival of the Kindest: Evidence That Humankind is Evolving to Become More Compassionate

There is no right or wrong perspective, only a positive or negative way of perceiving a situation. We can perceive it from a place of being uncomfortable, angry or judgmental, or we can perceive it from a place of truth, peace, equality, and unconditional Love. It is all a state of mind that manifests into a state of being known as Heaven, Zen, Christ Consciousness, Nirvana, Svarga, and any number of lingual definitions of that which words cannot describe. It is not a “place” but a state of consciousness which begins as knowledge and manifests itself into wisdom when it is recognized as a Universal truth from within.

If we don’t see the change we wish to see in our lives it’s because we aren’t allowing ourselves to receive the gift that comes to us in the form of recurring situations whereby we can change our way of thinking, looking, and feeling about the circumstances in our lives — which are always a direct reflection of our respective thoughts and feelings. As we practice spiritual and emotional intelligence, we actually tell our DNA what to do in this “evolution” we are going through collectively! We come to understand that “God” is actually an infinite and intelligent energy Source that comprises everything, and our prayers are answered with an infinite number of positive outcomes, despite seemingly “impossible” situations.

For more, please see: Scientists Prove DNA Can Be Reprogrammed by Words and Frequencies

Love is the Answer

images (1)It takes great courage of the heart to embark deep within oneself. It can be very confronting. We may feel pain, or regret, or that we were “wrong” in the way we perceive our respective reality, but we must remember that our perspective is not “wrong” – it is a unique manifestation of consciousness itself. And as we raise ourselves to a higher place of Love, we must show ourselves compassion and release ourselves from the emotions and experiences that are no longer on the same vibrational frequency as we are.

It is in our human nature to want to be right, for the ego to assert itself and keep going rather than looking within in order to make a change. Change is usually uncomfortable because it means something new when we are programmed (usually by fear) to long for something safe and/or familiar. In order to change our vibration to a higher energy it is also necessary to put ego aside and allow the change to occur, especially if it means changing your perspective from something based in “fear” to something based in Love and Universal understanding.

The gift of self-exploration is necessary in order to gain emotional intelligence for ourselves, the collective, and our planet — so we can begin to take a Quantum Leap together. We cannot consider ourselves intelligent beings if we continue to live in denial of our inner emotions, to live in disharmony and discontent, and perpetuate emotional and physical states of poverty, inequality, war, and oppression.

This journey is not something that one can step around. In order to create a miracle, it is necessary that we all go through this shift in our energetic being together and integrate the higher vibration of Love (God) into our physical reality. Call it “The Event” if you will. And it is possible. Whether by small jump or Quantum Leap, we are collectively on the path back “home”; to creating our own personal brand of Heaven, manifested individually and then collectively, thereby bringing it into our physical form. It is up to us as individuals to decide the scope of our miracles, our leaps of faith.

When we greet everyday as a miracle, we give ourselves the gift of spiritual consciousness. We resonate at a higher vibration, and align ourselves to the energy of our Mother Earth. And it is a gift meant for everyone, as our energy resonates collectively. By giving this gift to our self, we give a gift to the collective of Humanity, the Earth, and our Universe. As we increasingly give and receive the divine gift of Love, we will experience a Quantum Leap… we will manifest a miracle!

In our Universe, everything is possible. We are our only limitation!

It’s up to you. Please say “Yes!”

Music to drive it Home: Christina Perry ~ A Thousand Years

[For more, please feel free to check out my previous article Quantum Mechanics of the Soul]

Reference:

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_leap

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

The Art of Life ~ Creating Through Chaos

The Art of Life ~ Creating Through Chaos

By Jennifer Deisher

Contributing Writer for Wake Up World

“Last night as I was sleeping, I dreamt that I had a beehive within my heart, and the golden bees were making white combs and sweet honey from all of my bitter disappointments.” ~ Antonio Machado

There is an art to life and living, if we learn how to live it from the inside out instead of from the outside in. It requires the willingness to open our minds and hearts to our own unique, creative gifts. But, more importantly, it allows us the freedom to see through the matrix of boxes and squares and detach ourselves from controlled illusion of our reality. Then, looking from the inside out, we find that the reality of creation is actually beautifully chaotic.

Down The Rabbit Hole

As human Beings, we can become attached to all kinds of ideas of what we think we need to be happy – comfort, security, career, social circles. But when we look deep within ourselves, we realize these needs are mostly of a material and external nature. Although they can be alluring, the happiness we find in these attachments and identifications is usually temporary, as they reflect our relationship to the chaotic outside world, not our personal, peaceful inner world. Of course, when our happiness depends on conditions outside ourselves and our control, we search for completion from the outside in. Then, when those external conditions are taken away, so too is our sense of peace and fulfilment. We have lost control over our emotional being.

But everything is upside down in this beautifully chaotic rabbit hole. In our attempt to find happiness in the outside world, we often perceive external chaos as our lives “falling apart”, when really, circumstances are just starting to come together in our lives in ways we can’t comprehend.

There’s terms for this state of being and several come to mind – rock bottom, crisis, despair, and/or finding the Spirit within (a process that will crack you wide open, but that’s another article in itself). In these times, whether we can see it or not, our external attachments and identifications are stripped from us, and it is only within ourselves that we can create comfort in the chaos.

The Life Force

What we learn about love is backwards. We are raised believing we must search for love outside ourselves, find someone to love us, and find someone to love. We learn that we are alone, incomplete and loveless without the love of another.

In reality, we ARE love, in its purest form. But we are conditioned to feel separated from that true nature of love, valuing only the love we receive from outside ourselves. This leaves us open to fear, as we believe that love itself can be taken away.

Love and hate (fear) are like oil and water, so when they interact on an energetic and emotional level we often find chaos in the polarity — an allergic reaction if you will. Our loving nature and our fearful conditioning can’t co-exist. Something has to give. And in that  dark and confusing place, we find rock bottom; the inky black energy of the aether, where our training and our truth collide. But, it’s also the place where we find our greatest opportunity — the creative “spark” to light our way out of the dark.

Even in our darkest and most painful times, we always have that opportunity; that choice. It’s harder to make that choice when we are in an emotional state of change because change can feel like we’re losing something, and in uncertainty, we fear what may yet be. But as we shed our external attachments, the way forward — that creative spark — can only be found in the emotion of the moment, right now, not in feelings of loss (past) or fear (future). The only way out is through.

As the old makes room for the new, our overwhelming emotions can sometimes make us feel like we can’t go on. Fear, loss and grief are all common. But what we’re feeling in those rock-bottom moments is actually the stale old toxic energy dying, not our life force! It’s no vacation, but at the end of it, we are left with new circumstances, new energy, a new perspective. On a micro level, these old energy patterns are being felt and released by individuals, while on a macro level, humanity is currently reflecting the same process — we’re at rock-bottom, feeling the chaos of this energetic clash, and using that spark to light creative new ways forward.

When we go into darkness, it’s no vacation. It helps to remember: when emotional chaos takes hold, the best remedy is simplicity. When we simplify our lives and remove subjective distractions, it brings us closer to alignment and objectivity. We become more sensitive in our perceptions. We can be still with our thoughts and feelings, while also exploring the opportunities they create. This will tell you everything you need to know – even if it feels upside down (you’re in the rabbit hole, remember?)

The Big Move

First, it helps to know that we’ve done this before even if we can’t see it, or forgot how. Through the process of shedding old energy and creating ‘the new’, we’re changing, morphing, evolving, and moving energy – the emotional kind of energy that comes with great weight, which is why the process of releasing it is called enlightenment (light bulb moment!) Although the ego part of us may attach to the feeling of loss, and resist letting go of old comfortable energy, this process of unpacking our emotional baggage Lightens our emotional load and helps us to align our energetic being to what our heart and soul essence is really searching for — change and the fear that comes with it. The whole gamut of conscious experience.

It can feel daunting, looking into our own personal rabbit hole, but don’t be scared. The darkness is part of the great aether which is the spiritual energy of creation. The aether is the “place” and the mindset where illusions are shattered, perspectives are changed, new dreams are forged, and something beautiful and honest is born — seemingly from “nothing”.

Remember though, the “nothingness” you may experience is still something, because there is no such thing as nothing. In the heart-felt stillness of the dark, we find the presence, openness and creative spark we need to truly see our reality and consciously invigorate our lives, aligning our outer world to our inner reality and desires.

So honor the darkness for the experience that it is and the lessons it offers your heart and mind — and most of all, know that it is temporary.

To make ‘the big move’ is basically a 2-step process. First, we have to identify and connect with the fearful energy that wants to be expressed — or released. Most of us have an awareness of our fears and the patterns they create in our lives, even if we’re unsure how to process them and/or persuade them to move out. This is the process that we don’t necessarily like so much because it’s uncomfortable at best. The key is realizing that we need something to replace the fear in our heart.

When fear keeps us “stuck”, the reason we find it so hard to move is because we stop supporting the Universe to support us, by focusing our consciousness on the “what if’s” — what we don’t have, what we can’t do, what may go wrong, and often, what other people think. The ego’s perception becomes about “loss” and “want” and “fear” of the potential future; and so we lose touch with our natural sense of gratitude for now — which is a necessary ingredient for co-creating with conscious intention. But that sense of fear is not real, it is the ego trying to protect itself from the worst case “what if’s” that may or may not happen in the future, and redirecting our attention back to familiar patterns of behavior that may gratify the ego in the short term but do not serve the Self in the long term.

Then, when ego/fear prevents us from trying, or even dreaming, nothing happens at all! Today or in the future…

… and so, this is where we get “stuck”, going round and round trying to solve fearful problems in our heads, trying to resolve our fears with the same mentality that created them… more fear. It’s the emotional equivalent of banging our heads against a proverbial brick wall.

Ego is the antithesis of Oneness. Inherently fearful of the unknown, ego is hard wired into our biological flight-or-fight/fear response. It views reality in terms of separation and comparison to others, blind to the bigger picture that exists beyond its own self-oriented awareness.

The best way to resolve the fear of doing is to DO. Go ahead and prove your fearful ego wrong.

Sure, it can take great courage, discipline and self-understanding to honestly explore the dark recesses of our fears and ego. But the hard-earned truth is, there is no other real option. As we continue down this path of collective and personal awakening, our unresolved ego/fears and their effects are becoming increasingly obvious in our lives, and like any other unsustainable practice, we can no longer put them aside without suffering the consequences.

It’s time we cleared the space, start a fresh canvass, and show those around us they can do the same too.

Grab a Pallette!

Our emotions ultimately tell us everything we need to know about what’s working and not working for us in our lives. When things aren’t “right”, we experience discomfort or discontent in various areas of our life. If we don’t allow these feelings to surface, and more importantly to guide our mind’s decisions, the unresolved emotional energy will always find a way to be expressed, whether the ego likes it or not. For many, the ongoing denial and apathy to such challenging feelings can culminate in a ‘dark night of the soul’, where the emotional veil suddenly drops and the full range of emotional energies demand that we feel them, and heal them, at once.

In these times, we may not like what we see when we look at the canvas of our life. Reflecting on our fears and most painful experiences forces us to be aware of the fearful, unloving, or desperate decisions we’ve made in our lives. We may not like the landscape we’ve painted, or the details in the background, or the truth about what we’ve emulated from our fear but we can change it, move it, enhance it, and color it in. First we need to step back and really see the canvas objectively — without ego — and feel the message within it. Our pain, discontent, anger and regret are all perfect indicators that we are settling for something in our lives that is not aligned with our true Being. Exploring and acknowledging the whole spectrum of our feelings is the first (and most difficult) step to healing them, and starting over, creating through the chaos.

In order to unravel the effects of our feelings and experiences in ego and fear have caused on our energetic landscape, it’s a case of going back through the darkness in order to see the Light. That’s the duality – Light doesn’t exist without dark, and the only way out is through. Follow the light. Sometimes that means we have to stop, look, and listen in order to find a heartfelt stillness enabling us to truly see what our heart, and the universe by extension, is trying to show us.

Then, when we confront our true human and spiritual nature head on and “survive” the truth of our dark side (even though our ego feared we would perish!) we emerge with a new clearer perspective — ready to create a more honest, simple, joyful, meaningful, enriching, experiential kind of life. The kind of life that is perfectly aligned to the inner Being we have come to know so well. The kind of life that is impossible to create while the ego has us convinced that what we want for ourselves is always somehow out of our reach.

Colour in the Dark

Let’s be honest, our darker feelings of fear and chaos aren’t exactly easy to look at up close and personal. We learn to keep our fear hidden just beyond the periphery of our conscious awareness in order to stay “sane and functioning”. The ego’s mode of operation is like a secret agent in stealth mode encouraging the turbulence of our fear. Its very purpose is to make us aware of our own fears and/or limitations taking us into the darkness of the aether.  But the darkness only obscures our view, hiding a blank canvass of infinite potential. We have something the ego doesn’t though — color, light and shade which equates to every imaginable outcome.

Creating something *NEW* is the best way to release emotional baggage and re-color our lives into a canvas we can’t wait to claim as our own and share with the world. If we allow ourselves to fully experience the dark side of our emotional existence, we can use that experience as both a motivation and a tool to create new experiences, new relationships, and new outcomes.

Our creative juices move in synchronicity with the universal flow of creation when we allow ourselves to be guided by our hearts. As we release our fears and overcome the urges of the short-sighted ego, we learn to listen to our heart and to our inner guidance. The dreamer’s dream comes to life before our very eyes and it mirrors back to us all that we truly are – beautiful, colourful, and unique Beings of light, consciously co-creating our own canvas, and transcending the darkness of the aether. Fun and rewarding, our existence suddenly becomes a vibrant colorful life when we make the choice to embody the art of life, with all its light and shade, and open ourselves to experience its endless, beautifully chaotic possibilities.

About the author:

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

For more information please visit BlueprintsForButterflies.com or Facebook.com/BlueprintsForButterflies.

Recommended reading by Jennifer Deisher:

 

This article was adapted for Wake Up World by Jennifer Deisher and Andy Whiteley.

Morbid Affection: The Psychology of Narcopathy

morbid affection

Psychology is the study of the mental aspects of the psyche and is relevant to achieving all aspects of clarity. The psyche is the whole of the human mind, body and soul or spirit. The mind is a very powerful aspect of the whole and the last place we “think” to look for spiritual and/or emotional keys when it comes to actualizing self-love. Love starts from within and if we don’t learn what love is, and isn’t, we tend to go forward learning very hard lessons along the road in life. Sometimes we learn love as an upside-down concept that urges us to look outside of ourselves to identify love, esteem and answers that come from withIN. We must be willing to listen and accept ourselves as we are in order to realize change, especially when we don’t like what we find. This is why they say “judge not lest ye be judged” because it is always a dual reflection.

Pathy is a Greek word which denotes feeling into certain areas of the psyche; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. [i] This is also a way of “feeling into” our own dis-order or dis-ease, especially as we clear the mental plane of understanding why we behave the way we do toward self and others. These feelings can be good or bad. When our being is imbalanced in any area, we can look at a “pathy” as a form of “morbid affection”. Narcopathy would then mean “morbid affection of self and others”, even if it presents itself as apathy, lethargy or feeling numb to specific feelings or emotion. A person who can hurt someone and not feel any remorse is disconnected from their own psyche in some way. As everything starts from within and radiates outward, we have to be able to mindfully tell the difference between unconditional love and morbid affection. Morbid affection is the dis-ease that is infecting the root of our proverbial family tree, both individually and collectively. It is the opposite of love. It is self-loathing, grandiose admiration of oneself and/or apathy; a serious problem because most people who think and feel this way tend to show it in a way that is harmful to the self and/or speaks of loathing others. It is intolerance, cynicism, condescension and even hate posing as love; we have to learn to tell the difference if we are to self-evolve.

We all have a “god spark” but that doesn’t mean we know how to connect with it and use it for good and healing. This perpetuated concept of love posed as something more insidious and deceitful is worth “thinking” about from a psychological aspect. Keep in mind, it can also be highly psyche shattering when we find moments of self-realization that include love posing as something very different indeed. Especially as we see how we’ve carried these imbalanced patterns forward into the world in “looking for love in all the wrong places”.

The Compartmentalization of Eve

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Sane and feeling people have a really hard time truly understanding the nature of “evil”, power, greed or lack of empathy; every aspect of “narcopathy” is relevant to our collective ‘ascension’. It’s also why we have a hard time seeing those qualities in ourselves. We want to see the best in other people just as we hope they will see the best in us. There is nothing wrong with this concept if we lived in a self-actualized society where we are all aligned with the proper energy of love and not fear. The problem is not in looking for the good in others, the problem is in understanding that maybe it just isn’t there; even if it means it just doesn’t exist in a relationship, the workplace, as a parent or with an establishment(s) and/or institution. Specifically, we are talking about inherently dysfunctional patterns of behavior that feed the illusion of another’s self-interests; the illusion we’re trying to free ourselves from in the first place. Psychological hooks in the psyche that pose as emotional triggers to incite unhealthy emotional reactions from self and others. A parent who blames a child for their own inadequacies; blaming a partner for your own lack of intimacy; practicing psychological abuse or manipulation (the topic in focus); bullying another or standing by watching another be bullied while saying nothing, effectively enabling the abuser; engaging in reckless, careless and erratic emotional behavior; luring others into oppression or oppressive behavior; engaging in terrorism or war, directly or by proxy;  committing ecocide, homicide or genocide; . There are too many areas of “dysfunction” in our collective consciousness, we can only focus on healing our own if we want to truly be the change we wish to see in the world.

The mind is a brilliant tool and weapon, it protects us from ourselves and others when we are compromised. It protects us from our true self if we refuse to see our “flaws”. It’s the discombobulated feeling we get when we know we have emotional connections to make in order to transcend the mirror of the mental plane. The source of ALL truth is in realizing we all have certain areas in life where we play the unfortunate antagonist, especially as it relates to the self; the micro affects the macro. No one gets a “free pass” in this way. This is what we mean when we say “the nature of duality” as it relates to healing self and others. We cannot heal something that bothers us if we can’t even see that we are allowing or actualizing our own abusive behavior toward self and others.

We can be good people but still be a lousy in one (or more) of our compartments because it’s how we tend to “justify” behavior that we don’t want to participate in but do, for whatever reason. We can be a good employer but a terrible parent. A good family (wo)man who makes destructive and detrimental political decisions on behalf of the collective. A successful person with unhealthy attachments. Talking but not doing. You can put on a brave face to the world and then practice “self-loathing” at home. Addiction, obsessive behavior, anger, alienating the people you say you care about, not doing the right thing when you know the right thing to do, lack of humility and atonement, self-deprivation and so much more. This is what it means when they say “you can’t love anyone until you love yourself”.

In fact, there is a very metaphoric meaning to the biblical story of The Tree of Life, Eve and the snake in the garden. We should trust ourselves when we know that our sacred space is being violated. If someone can’t come into your sacred space without waking the snake, the intuition and emotional triggers that come when your tree shakes knowing you should be on alert, than maybe it’s a telltale sign to stop allowing them to poison the fruit of your proverbial tree? On the dual side of this epiphany is if everyone rattles the snake, it may be a sign of practicing an unhealthy form of love by thinking you don’t need connections and healthy relationships in life. It takes a “predator” to meet another on its level. The balance is when we realize that Eve didn’t allow the snake into the garden, the snake was the protector of the garden all along.

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The idea that there is no more growth and learning to be done is a desperate form of ignorance; ignoring the nuances as a way of holding onto an illusion. There are many temptations that lead to this practice of psychic deception, the mind attempting to deceive the psyche into believing it is acting sane and rationally. It requires humility and surrender to admit we don’t have all the answers, especially when the illusion cracks and we reach a choice point of continuing into delusion or deciding to seek clarity and Healing. Sometimes the mind doesn’t want to accept the potential of the heart and soul, change can be extremely painful when we are feeling through the e-motion of sorrow or fear. The ability to connect our true feelings with our true mental state is a milestone indeed. If this journey of attachment and detachment proves debilitating, it’s usually because we aren’t allowing ourselves to focus on it some way. We are most likely still confined in the consciousness that created the problem in the first place.

When we throw ourselves out there in a million different directions looking for answers, we can’t be surprised when we feel overwhelmed and don’t know which “lead” to follow. This is when we can become desperate and begin to suffer enormously in an energetic capacity. It is truly self-healing when we allow our intuition to lead us to the answers. We aren’t participating in our own healing when we refuse to listen to, and be mindful of, the ONE true voice that really matters. The voice of our own Truth; no matter how self-loathing it may be. It’s important to ask our divinity to work through us to achieve the highest outcome for all involved as we embark on this precarious process. The “crucifixion” is a process of standing before your own Divinity stripped of all titles, roles and labels that are used to compartmentalize the experiences we are having. The “Tribulation” is when we see our own tragic behavior and the wake of damage it left behind. This is when the abused becomes the abuser; what have we taken on and been stained with in our individual and collective journey?

We can’t heal if we’re running away from the only things that truly matter; the ground beneath our feet, the self, the family, the focus it takes to focus. We slow down. We re-think the illusion that just because we seemingly “have it all” doesn’t mean we don’t have to practice all aspects of health to maintain our own well-being; including the mirror of our own psyches. We stop abandoning ourselves on our spiritual journey because we don’t like what we “see”. The practice of “Dharma” in Buddhism is the practice of recognizing, balancing and protecting ourselves from fear. A practice of Self-Compassion, Mindfulness and “mirror therapy” may be helpful in actualizing self-love. It forces the mind to slow down, recognize and receive what the universe is trying to teach it, through the self and the entire psyche; within and without.  Are you really listening?

[i] http://www.dictionary.com/browse/-pathy

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

Grow the Garden

 

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The Moon Goddess is a satellite of Loving energies.  She is known for her Femininity and graces us with Love and Wisdom.  “Grow the garden” she whispers in the night breeze.  Come to me.  See how I mirror your shimmery Light from Mother Earth.  She is waiting for you.  She has a secret for you if you Listen.  Grow my garden.

Come to me, I’m Always here and I’m Always free…

The most Beautiful things grow from the deepest, darkest places.  Dig deep into the mud.  Dig the hole.  Plant the seed.   Give me your shame and we will plant a seed of Compassion.  Tell me your secrets along the rambling river.  Show me resentment and I will show you how to grow Forgiveness.  Feel my Light coming through the trees.  Let me show you where to plant denial so you will blossom with Truth and Light.  

Climb my mountain.  Let me feel where you are weary and you will see how you have Persevered.  Pick the most vulnerable places and plant them in my garden.  Bury into me your guilt and I will teach you Accountability.  Bask beside the firelight and feel how I warm your Soul.  Where there is anxiety I will show you how to Breathe.  Sprinkle my Healing waters into the Earth and watch my garden burst with seeds of Joy.  

When you find lack I will sprout in you the seed of Gratitude.   Listen to my voice in bird song.  Open me to your fear and I will teach you Courage of the Heart.  I am your Mother full of Wisdom who knows you better than you know yourself.  Dig deeply and plant the seed of ignorance so I may enlighten you with my Diversity.    My Light shines on your Innocence and your most vulnerable places.  

Plant the seed of unworthiness and I will show you the Love that you are.  I See you.  You are Safe.  Unburden to me your addictions and I will bring you Freedom on the wings of Angels.  Know me, know you.  Feel my rhythms, for where you end we begin.  Bring to me your frustrations and I will ignite your Passion.  Dance with me under the Moonlight, Graceful ONE.  

Tell me all your mistakes and I will tell of your Experience.  Sit beneath the willow tree and feel my Heart beating with your own.  Share with me your anger and I will dignify your pain.  Lay ye down in my pastures and feel my Spirit.  Reveal the places where you feel violated and and I will release your trauma.  Feel me flow through you like the mist on a light rain.  Bear down on me your burdens and I will teach you to let go.  

Listen.  Be still and know.  Sow for me a garden and I will reap for you a Rainbow.

Come to me, I’m Always here and I’m always free…

Music to drive it Home ~ Come to Me ~ Goo Goo Dolls

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Artwork by Josephine Wall ~ http://www.josephinewall.net

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

Let it Rain – Finding Gratitude in Grief

Let-It-Rain-Finding-Gratitude-in-Grief
I Love the rain. I always have. Maybe it’s because Water is my element. Maybe it’s because I’ve had sorrow in my Life and the rain is fresh and rejuvenating. Maybe it’s because Spring is my favorite season. Maybe it’s because I want to feel Pure and Clean. I wish this was the type of rain I was talking about today, but what I’m talking about is the rain that pours from the Heart, the Soul, and the eyes. This rain is grief.

Grief is a very common process we go through when we have had a loss or trauma in our Lives. This grieving process is a normal, natural process but it can become very difficult if we don’t accept it and allow ourselves to work through it. Oftentimes, we allow ourselves to grieve the loss of a Loved one but we forget to allow grief for Oneself, whether that loss comes in the form of death, separation, or REnewel – as is common whilst we evolve from negative emotions that may have kept us stuck. Rebirth is for everyone but sometimes we have to let go to get there.

We’ve all had trauma in our Lives at one point or another but the key to overcoming trauma is to get to the root of it and give permission for SELF to grieve – which can be the most difficult part. Whether we are transitioning from trauma or addiction, experiencing the physical death of a loved one or a spiritual death of oneself, grief is relevant to the process.

The beautiful truth is that consciousness is always streaming and we all have a Higher Self right on the other side of the veil who only has our individual best interests at Heart. When we deny ourselves the important process of grief, we truly become detached from ourselves and our emotions, so it’s beneficial on a Soul level to Allow the energetic process of grief to ensue if it needs to, because it’s not worth the trauma that’s caused by keeping it inside.

I AM Grateful for grief and its process because it allows me to know that I AM Alive and that I have Loved and been Loved.
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This is grief.  This is sorrow and you have to know that you will grieve and be prepared for it so you can begin to Heal.  This is a process that isn’t easy but will be made more difficult if you don’t allow yourself to go through it the proper way.  By not allowing yourself this necessary process you will only prolong it but it also helps to understand it and what to expect.  You are grieving and you will do so until you are finished and no one will know how long that will take, especially you. You can’t expect to just “be done” with it because it is a vulnerable, delicate time and will only make it harder.  Change is hard. There will be times when you will feel as if you are okay only to find 2 days later that this may not be the case and we should nurture ourselves as much as want to wish it away.

You will be in denial because your mind is having a hard time accepting this very different reality but it will slowly allow you to access the other emotions involved as you are ready. You will be angry because you are in pain and because you miss your “friend”.  You will be angry because you are scared of what your Life will be without this dear Soul to turn to. You will feel somewhat helpless because of the circumstances and this is called “bargaining”. Accepting the new reality takes time and this may cause a need to control certain things, especially the pain and fear. Behind the need to control is sorrow and, once the mind is finished masking these other symptoms, the sadness begins and this is painful. This is where it can get tricky and avoidance comes in because it may feel like you want to release the sorrow but, in order to do that, you have to allow yourself to feel the pain that comes with it.

Heartache is hard but it doesn’t have to be if you allow yourself to feel it Truly. The best way to do that is by honoring your friend and the Joy they brought to your Life.  The heartwarming moments that come to mind when you think of them (or yourself) in tribute are the key to mastering this process.  In these moments is where you will find your friend and, more importantly, their Spirit.  These are your memories and no one can take them away from you. The best way to honor your friend is by allowing yourself to remember them in this way. These moments in time are forever sealed in the Book of Life, the Akashic Records or the Cosmic Mind – however you wish to look at it.  The Love you have for each other is forever recorded in the Universe and will be there for all time.  This is where you will find your friend both now and “later”.

Find dignity in the agony so that you can rejoice in the memories. Allow yourself to cry the tears because it means you Loved your friend and you are releasing the pain that should not be kept inside.  You cannot remember the good times by avoiding thinking about your friend at all. In order to honor the memories, you have to honor yourself in remembering. Be forever Grateful for all of the memories in every moment that you think of your friend.

I will say to you that there must be rain in order for flowers to grow.  There must be rain to maintain balance on Mother Earth.  And, most importantly, there must be rain in order to know that you Loved your friend, they Loved you, and you will miss their presence in your Life.  I will say to you:

Let it Rain…

After the Rain comes the Rainbow and this is acceptance.  When you see the Rainbow you will know that your friend is just on the other side filled with Joy that you made the journey down this road together.  You will See and feel the Spirit of your friend and their Gratitude that you Loved them enough to remember and Honor them in this way, even though it caused you great pain and heartache.  Thank them for walking down this path with you and for being with you when you finally reached the Rainbow.  This is when you will know that they are always with you and will forever be a part of your Soul and you of theirs.  This is when you will remember where they are; and where you come from.

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

The Ties That Bind – Releasing Toxic Relationships

By Jennifer Deisher

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all barriers within yourself that you have built against it” ~ Rumi

Toxic relationships come in all forms and can be detrimental in so many ways, but they also offer the greatest opportunity for growth and learning. It’s within the mindset of growth that we can begin to navigate and resolve relationship toxicity issues in order to release and move on. This can be a very difficult thing to accomplish since the toxicity is much like a drop of ink that spoils the entire well, leaving a cellular toxicity, much like an allergic reaction, to this kind of abusive relationship. The poisoning of the well leaves us feeling “tainted” and eventually leaves behind a continuous cycle of grief in the emotions of denial, bargaining, anger, and pain – a cycle that can never lead to the Acceptance we seek in the form of Unconditional Love.

In the big picture, no one has “permission” to bring toxicity into our energy field unless we allow it. However, sometimes the toxicity sets in on a cellular level when this kind of relationship is born in childhood, before we have earliest memories or have even learned to communicate in some cases. It can become a challenge, learning to separate one’s own “energy” from the energy of the poisonous relationship, so it’s important to have insight into how to let go and/or navigate the relationship in a new and different way.

The Cycle of Toxicity

If one has never experienced Unconditional Love on an energetic level then one can become easily fooled into thinking they have found “love”, but oftentimes find it to be quite the opposite leaving behind a feeling of guilt or shame or fear, coupled with a feeling of being “unlovable”. This becomes especially apparent when one has suffered from some sort of abuse in childhood and never experienced the emotion of Unconditional Love. How can one know if we’ve truly found something we’ve never experienced?

Our relationships are a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves – our own Self Worth – and when we vacillate between toxicity and “love” we truly find ourselves in an unhealthy situation. The toxicity shows up in the form of hostility, aggression, conflicts, quarrels, judgement, and criticism among other things. The Clarity that we tend to find in these type of relationships typically comes in the form of the negativity it brings rather than a Positive, Loving outcome. Like a junkie seeking heroin, we find ourselves in an addictive situation alternating between the high when things are going well and the low when the shit hits the fan.

Many times we finds ourselves trying to “fix” and/or communicate with the other person, all while defending oneself against the “judgement” the relationship brings on – both judgement from the other person and judgement of Self for being in that situation in the first place. Usually both parties who participate in these relationships bring a great deal of emotional deflection and projection, meaning that they project their emotions onto the other person when these emotions are actually coming from Self. This pattern is ironic as they typically also deflect or are in denial of the very emotions they are projecting onto the other person. It’s a truly ruthless cycle to break.

These relationships are indeed a great distraction from focusing on Self and finding the painfully missing piece one lacks withIN. One has to be willing to seek awareness of and identify with their own patterns, in order to Heal and become Whole. We have to remember that there are other addictions besides “substances”, and just because it’s familiar doesn’t mean it’s good for us.

It Starts Within

Forgiveness is key in any relationship that has had turmoil or is “ending”. However, just because we have found the Art of Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean we can continue to indulge in the relationship without being vulnerable, much like mixing oil and vinegar. First, we have to recognize that which we are bringing to the table and learn to separate it from what the other person is bringing. Next, we have to realize that we are ALL worthy of Unconditional Love, and if the relationship is energetically toxic we may have no other choice but to walk away with Love and Gratitude in our Hearts.

The key is a deep understanding that sometimes we don’t get to have the relationships we were always hoping for with certain people in our Lives, but we experience them for a reason.

In order to manifest Unconditional Love into our Lives we have to be willing to receive it, no matter what form it takes. Frequently, when we cannot make a relationship work the way we want, we tend to think of the relationship and ourselves as having “failed” at Love. This is just a matter of perspective and can be shifted if we Allow ourselves to release all conditions and expectations in the relationship, while looking at the relationship as an opportunity to remove the blocks that keep us from finding Unconditional Love, specifically in the form we are looking for.

Everything we seek to find can be found withIN so it’s important to create boundaries, both energetically and otherwise. Remember, no ONE can hurt you emotionally without your permission so it’s essential to separate oneself with Intention. This can be done by declaring to Self that this person no longer has your permission to speak or act a certain way since they do not have your best interests at Heart; this declaration should also be done on a Spiritual level and/or in meditation etc.

Intending a separation of energy is crucial because the way the toxicity presents itself is usually a very chronic process whereas our Awareness of the situation becomes clouded slowly. This is confusing because although the relationship tends to start off as seemingly Happy it progressively becomes unmanageable, leaving one wondering when and where things went “wrong”. This is precisely the reason why continuing to indulge one’s SELF in the negativity cannot possibly bring the Loving relationship that you seek.

In the Art of Bushido a true “warrior” is asked to find Gratitude when a weakness is exposed, as it gives them an Opportunity to reinforce their armor, if you will. A toxic relationship is where we find the same kind of opportunity for Gratitude and Growth. But we must remove our own energy from the energy of the poisonous interaction, and change it, in order to release the ties that bind.

Remember, we are all Worthy of Loving and Healthy relationships. Wherever you find yourself in your relationships today, please Remember that you are so very Beautiful, Worthy, and Loved.

Jennifer Deisher is the writer of the Moon Hippie Mystic blog and has been published on several Consciousness and Healing websites including Wake up World and OM Times Magazine.

Thank you for stopping by Blueprints for Butterflies!

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.