Finding the Keys…

Image

The Solstice and the Christmas holiday has come and gone and I will be honest in saying that this “time” was a wee bit difficult, for me.  The fact that it was “difficult” threw me for a bit of a loop and I began to wonder what, if anything, I was doing “wrong”.  I wanted to feel Light, Love, Peace, and Happiness and instead I began to feel sorrow which began to feel like a great loneliness finally culminating in an indescribable “emptiness”.  I felt the very familiar feeling of abandonment, especially after reading the wonderful stories some of you shared about your “ascension”.  There was much going on over these days, for me, and I couldn’t quite make sense of what was happening and why.  However, as with all things in this process I was able to figure it out and learn the lesson that was intended so that I could find the 3 things I believe are Key to the process…Love, Forgiveness, and Gratitude.  Here’s what happened to me, how I began to doubt the “journey”, and how I found my way to a higher place once again…

As many spoke of their process over the last week or so I realized that many were describing what happened with my awakening back in August.  I will be honest in saying that I was hoping for “more” because there were a great deal of “issues” that needed to be resolved in reality, things I was hoping I wouldn’t have to deal with.  I will say that if I weren’t given this Gift of awakening back in August I don’t know if I would have been emotionally strong or capable enough to handle what happened this Christmas with my family, specifically my children.  As I’ve said before, my awakening occurred when I came face to face with my “trauma” and the realization of what had been “missing” from my Life in the form of Unconditional Love and most importantly the fact that I had never learned about emotions and what they mean.  This is what I call Emotional Intelligence and a child cannot thrive without it so it’s been interesting as I’ve gone through “learning” these emotions much as a child would but in a much shorter time frame.  It’s been a process of having them come up one by one so that I could identify or name them, understand the meaning behind them, and release them if necessary.  I’ve come face to face with insecurities, fears, anger, grief, depression, discouragement, disappointment, and abandonment just to name a few.  It’s quite the job in “remembering” when my emotions have been deflected and misunderstood for as long as I can remember.  There was a realization that even though I AM worthy of this Love and Light the Light also shines on the “bad” stuff so it’s part of the process to release these things in order to let the Light shine to it’s fullest potential.  As the holidays approached, I became “frustrated” as the process of doing this can be painful at times but I also understand that it’s my Purpose to do so.  The most difficult part for me has been trying to balance being Awake with “reality”, especially the reality of my relationships with certain people.  As many know, it’s challenging at times when you are Awake but people you Love may still be sleeping.  This is the challenge that I found myself facing as Christmas approached so I began to fall into a familiar pattern of deflection because I didn’t know how to “handle” what was on my emotional plate.

Every year since my son was born my mom and step-dad have come out for Christmas.  As I’ve written about before, my son is in a very negative pattern of emotional abuse with his dad and PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome).  Dad has been on a very negative campaign of “hate” and “anger” for a long time and it’s become a requirement for my son to “hate” me in order to “love” his dad.  My parents decided not to come out this year and I was okay with that under the circumstances in realizing how complicated my relationship is with them.  One of the toughest lessons that I’ve learned in this “ascension” process is to let go of relationships that are no longer conducive to my emotional health and the realization that I may never have the relationships with certain people that I had always hoped for.  The relationships that I speak of in my situation are ones I was hoping to have with my parents but I’m very fortunate in having come to terms with this months ago.  However, what I haven’t come to terms with is that I have to “let go” of my son and not have the relationship with him that I had always hoped for and this has been my great “conflict” in all of this.

My son decided for the first time in his Life not to spend Christmas with us this year and I had to accept this so I did.  I understood that maybe his spending Christmas with dad was a Gift in that it would be very different and he may “remember” the Love that he’s been forsaking in order to gain his dad’s approval.  As this “game” with dad goes on and on and on it’s difficult as a Mother to watch all of the unnecessary collateral damage it has done emotionally to both of my children.  I’ve been at a loss as to how to explain that dad’s stuck in a cycle of putting his emotional needs before those of the kids and to do this without there being a “perception” of my being negative toward dad is a tricky puzzle to solve.  I was very, very sad that my son wouldn’t be here for Christmas but I knew I had no control over it so I accepted it as best as a Mother can.  What made it difficult is the fact that he didn’t make this choice based on Love but based on “fear” and “anger” so he was very much in my face about it hoping for a reaction from me.  I’m not sure what reaction he was looking for but I assume that he was looking for me to be hurt and angry.  As Christmas approached I tried calling, texting, and e-mailing him as he went out of his way not to answer any of them.  To make matters worse, my parents had bought him a ticket to go visit them in CA. the day after Christmas.  They decided not to come out but they also didn’t want to spend Christmas “alone” so they didn’t See the “issue” when I told  them that I didn’t  think it was a good idea for my son to come out there by himself for Christmas which is what they had originally planned.  I was Grateful that they did as I asked and waited to fly him out on the 26th just in case he changed his mind.  By the time we left my in-laws after our Christmas Eve celebration I was feeling the full effect of his absence and the full effect of the “selfishness” of the actions of those who are supposed to Love him and also Love me, Unconditionally speaking.  I tried to stay Happy and Strong for my daughter and my husband but I was really sad as we drove the hour to get home and I tried with all that I had not to cry in front of my little girl.  I was relieved to get home so I could put her to bed and have my “moment” so I was excited when I heard my favorite Christmas song “All I want for Christmas” on the radio as soon as we got home.  I turned it up…WAY up so my daughter and I could dance but instead I heard heart-wrenching sobs coming from her bedroom.  She misses her brother, she doesn’t understand why he “abandoned” her, and she’s also been trying really hard to be strong…just like me.  I comforted her and told her that I was proud of her for allowing herself to feel it and go through and we had our “moment” together.  Afterwards, we went to leave the cookies and milk for Santa and the note she wrote to Santa broke my heart all over as she said “I wish my brother were here.  That would be the best Gift ever!”…ouch!  I will say that it was a very long night and none of us got much sleep, especially my daughter.

As Christmas morning dawned I wondered what the day would bring and if I could manage with the sorrow that was weighing down my Heart.  I kept looking to the sky and asking for the Angels but I couldn’t feel them at all which made me even more sad.  I knew that I wanted Happiness and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t manifesting itself for me, especially on Christmas Day!  However, as many of you know,  the Universe is Full of Beautiful surprises.  The first Gift I opened was from my daughter and it was a painting of a tree with a sunset as it’s backdrop and these are the Gifts that have Meaning so something shifted.  The next Gift I opened was a book from my aunt and this is where I found the “something”, the key, as to what I had been missing for the last several days.  When I called my son to wish him a Merry Christmas and to let him know that he was very Loved and Missed he got angry and said I was trying to make him feel guilty.  Since he was “angry” he refused to understand that the last thing I wanted was for him to feel guilty on Christmas so I told him I Loved and Missed him right before he hung up in my face!  As I went through this process of sorrow in missing my son and realizing that the “fight” may be a little longer and harder than I had originally anticipated I forgot one of the most important things.  I forgot Gratitude and this is why I was growing more and more empty inside.  It was small at first but it went quickly once I embraced it again.  At first all I could do was be Grateful for Gratitude and then I began to find an endless amount of things to be Grateful for.  I was Grateful that my daughter was with me, that my husband and I scrapped up enough money to buy her the bike she really wanted for Christmas, that I got to See her face when she saw it for the first time, I was Grateful that the “snow dance” we did resulted in a light snow falling on Christmas Eve, and I was Grateful for the White Christmas we received as the snow looked like a Brilliant blanket of sparkly Diamonds on the ground.  As I found my Gratitude I also found Joy and then it just kept going as my Joy began to grow as well.  I can tell you that if my son would have hung up on me at Christmas last year I would have been devastated but now I realize that even though I heard his voice in “anger” and he hung up on me I still got to hear his voice in the first place, right?  I thought of the families in Connecticut and thought how much more deafening the silence would be so I was Grateful for his voice, angry or not.  Once I did that I realized how very fortunate I was and I felt somewhat “ashamed” for having forgotten to be Grateful in the first place.  I can go on and on and on and on telling you the many things that I’m Grateful for and how I turned my Christmas from sorrow to Joy by just remembering to be Grateful in the first place but instead I will tell you that I was given the Gift of being “awakened” just a little bit more.

I found another piece of my puzzle yesterday and had a great epiphany which lets me know that I’m still on my Path and working my way toward my Purpose in being awakened.  I realized that the reason I’m going through this lesson in Emotional Intelligence in this way is because I am the Blueprint for my children, specifically my son.  As I’ve been struggling with “letting go” of him I’ve finally realized that as a Mother this task is not possible so I will continue to “fight” for him in this very “3D” reality.  I realized that I AM the Wayshower for my children and it’s why I hold the Blueprint for them to “follow”.  I realized that I AM the Pillar of strength for them as I feel the stress and pressure that has made me strong like a Diamond and I will begin to shine ever more brightly the more I embrace it.  I realized that I AM the Gatekeeper and why when I was a Flight Attendant I was trained to  assess “danger” before I could open the door to safety, shout the command “come this way”,  and make sure everyone else was safe before I made my own way to safety.  This is my child and I will stay “here” until he is Safe because as a Mother it’s not in my Nature to leave him behind and I wouldn’t be much of an Angel if I did.  It’s why I was “meant” to write, it’s the “seed” I’m meant to plant, and it’s the Legacy I was told I would leave behind for my children…the Legacy that has nothing to do with money.  My children are my Butterflies so I received the Gift of a Great Purpose in leaving this Blueprint for them to follow in order to find their own Path and Purpose in this Life.  I fell to my knees in Gratitude yesterday when the Angels revealed this to me…my Purpose.  It’s another one of those Beautiful “aha!” moments that continue to come as I become more and more Awake and use the tools that I have been given – specifically Love, Forgiveness, and Gratitude.  I don’t know how much I will be writing on this blog in the near future because I now have a very important job to do and I will be harnessing the Angels and my Creative Energy to change gears so to speak.  I now understand that the book I was told to write is for my children and as we never know how much time we have it’s important that I begin this next process that is my Purpose.  I understand the meaning behind the pain I have been feeling lately as it’s given me Passion and Fire like none I’ve ever felt before.  I understand why there are so many similarities between my son’s Life and my own and it’s so that this cycle of emotional abuse can finally be broken.  It’s why the Goddess of the Moon was a Mother to me so that I could be that Mother to my children. It’s why my Angel Heart has the eye of the Creator and the feather of the Goddess of Ma’at because it’s my Purpose to make sure my children understand the Universal Laws and know about the Creator.  It’s why my Angel Heart weeps a tear of Love from the Eye of the Creator because I will only find True Joy when my children know that they are also Seen and they are also Beautiful, Worthy, and Loved Unconditionally.  it’s why I can never look back at my Life with “regret” because my whole Life has led me to this “moment” and every emotion has been necessary, painful or not.  It’s why I now understand that we are ALL Angels, Wayshowers, Pillars, and Gatekeepers because the Legacy that is Meant to be left behind is a Legacy for ALL of the children.  A Legacy of Love, Light, and Respect for Mother Earth which they will inherit in the future.  It’s why we are on “borrowed” time because this Awakening is for those who will inherit the Earth, our children.  I AM so very Grateful for these things but mostly I AM Grateful to the Mother who brings Emotional Intelligence on her Angel Wings because the children are the Future and we must care for their Hearts, Souls, and Minds.  I must break the “cycle of abuse” so that they will know the Light and all of the Magical things that come with it.   I must teach them about Unconditional Love, Forgiveness, and Gratitude because the “meek” shall inherit the Earth.  In my Universe, I AM the Guardian Angel of Motherly Love and this is my Purpose as I realize how Grateful I AM to be given such a very important “job”.

Copyright © The Moon Hippie Mystic.  All rights reserved.  You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.

11 responses to “Finding the Keys…

  1. Beautiful picture waouh :)

    I’ll take the time to read your article with the French translator, thanks

  2. I made the effort but really long your damage article. What I can tell you the day of new moon and full moon are two loaded days in negativity, I see that you need to empty your bag. But you know when it’s too long rare if visitors read your article to the end.
    Tomorrow is the full moon and you fell in the Panel, it should get better after tomorrow I wish you

    Listen to it will do you good, it is a Mantra ;)

  3. debbymanynations

    Reblogged this on cedarridge2007.

  4. Your inspiring article reminds me (again) of the fact that we’re all experiencing life so that we can move forward on our paths towards Light and self-fulfilment. And we reach steps when we’re ready to.
    Because time has come, these last weeks have been fantastically rich and often difficult at the same time. However, I realize we all make so much progress and things of the past are being released at a fast pace.
    I now am getting my life back on the right track after a few years of depression: my awakening and my ascension I guess!
    Eventually, I wanted to tell you that I needed to understand that “I can never look back at my life with regret because my whole life has led me to this moment”.

    A mere Thank You that comes from my heart.
    Cheers from France! :)

    • Thank You so much for writing this so openly from your Heart! I understand where you’re coming from very well. Depression was a very familiar “security blanket” for me and I had to recognize this in order to release it. Then I was Grateful for having recognized it and even Grateful that I had it to protect me as I must have needed protecting. When the Light of Ascension shines it brings up past issues and this is why many abandon their Spiritual Path because they think it’s not “working” as these issues are tough to process. However, I’ve come to know that it is a process and there are no “mistakes”, only Lessons to be Learned and Gratitude for the Lessons as I Learn them. We are all different in this process and should be Patient with ourselves as we go through it…it’s so worth it in the “end”, right?

      Love & Cheers from Colorado!

      Jennifer

  5. Life is really a struggle, I know. Remember that your son has his own journey and hard lessons to learn. He needs to learn them the hard way just like we did. Emotional pain is a difficult lession to learn and he will have to go through it also. I wish you all the love on your journey of self discovery.

    • Hi Jackie,
      Thank you for your comment and I agree with you to an extent. My “conflict” is that my son is suffering “karmic” issues that have been passed down from generation to generation. In other words, it’s not a child’s fault if their parents don’t have the “blueprint” and their parents didn’t have the blueprint, etc., etc….
      I don’t think our children should have to suffer emotionally because their parents are “traumatized” and I don’t think that Life has to be difficult or hard for them. I understand that now he will have to go through emotional pain but I See this pain as being unnecessary and most of the reasons that he will have to endure this pain are not his fault. If we as parents learned to put our children’s emotional needs before our own they would grow up with a strong Sense of Self and be empowered in understanding all of the things that are available to them in Life instead of all of the things that aren’t. Yes, Life can be painful and difficult which is why things like Unconditional Love and Happiness are things that must be Learned as much as they may seem “simple”. If these things aren’t learned at some point Life can become much more “difficult” than it needs to be, does that make sense? I teach my daughter these things and she has a completely different outlook on Life as she is very positive, happy, and knows she is Loved. My son is learning the opposite such as Love has conditions, the “bad” things that happen are someone else’s fault, to look for the “lack” in everything instead of the Good in anything, and to judge others instead of looking inside. So, I See this as 2 different blueprints and yes, my daughter will know “heartbreak” as we all do but her Life is already less complicated because she has a Sense of Self and Unconditional Love in her Life. In other words, she will know “blips” of loss in her Life but she won’t actually be consumed by negative energy as many of us are and I believe that this is unnecessary as well. I’ve been on both sides and very recently so I am very aware of the difference it makes when you have a Positive Energy as opposed to negative energy…this is where the Universal Law of Attraction comes into play as we create in Life what we think about so it’s a choice as to whether we manifest negative things or Positive things into our Lives. If a child Learns this at a young age than they will have a much Richer, more Fulfilling Life!

      Much Love to you and your family, Jackie. Thank you for writing and your well wishes…they really do mean a lot, to me!

      Blessings,
      Jennifer

  6. I really feel that you are sharing yourself no matter what. My Xmas was not so hot either but still some things to be grateful for. You express yourself very well and I expect your next work to be exceptional. Love and Light to you dear brave Sister. You are an inspiration.
    P.S. The lesson I got was to understand better – that it is not what happens but more importantly how we let it influence us. This makes all the difference on how the veils separate us from God. Sometimes I wish there was an easier way to learn!!! But that is how it is.

    • Chermay,
      You are always such a Bright Light, Thank You! Yes, I believe it is how we Learn to deal with things that makes the difference. For me, Unconditional Love puts me into the flow of Positive, Creative energy that is the Creator, Forgiveness released me from my past, Gratitude keeps me grounded in the “present”, and my Faith along with exercising the Law of Attraction keeps me from my worries of the future. These are my “keys”, so far, and I continue to grow and learn the more I practice them. Sometimes I also wish there were an easier way but as I shed my “layers” and look back on what I’ve accomplished in such a short amount of time I feel so Grateful that I’ve been able to find my way to a place of Peace unlike any I’ve ever known. It’s well worth being “uncomfortable” for a moment in order to embrace the Light as I come through the other side which is why I Trust in the process.

      Happy New Year, Chermay!

      Love Always,
      Jennifer

  7. 57715 777117Properly, that is fantastic, but consider further options weve got here? Could you mind submitting an additional write-up relating to them also? Numerous thanks! 910323

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s